Sanji's Prank Calls
by Lolly Dream
Summary: Come on did you really think Sanji just cooked all day in the kitchen? / Series of Drabbles / Current Victim/s: Smoker & Alvida
1. Over 18

**Title:** Sanji's Prank Calls

**Rating:** M

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece nor do I make any money from this.

**Pairings:** Many!

**Summary:** Come on did you really think Sanji just cooked all day in the kitchen?

Series of Drabbles

**Warnings:** Minor bad spelling & grammar, and anything that could ever possible offend you will be here most likely! Yaoi-ish!

**A/N's:** For anyone that does not like my warnings don't read I guess …it's not like I'm forcing you to.

Made cause … yeah I have no life ^.^;

* * *

**Title:** Over 18

**Victim/s:** Smoker & Ace

Sanji sighed watching the pot of water on the stove waiting for it to boil. …of course a watched pot never boils.

"Time for a distraction!" the pervy cook smirked and danced his way over to the Den Den Mushi and then pulled a little black book out from his back pocket. "Humm who shale it be today?" he questioned to himself looking over the numbers in the book yet at seeing one of his newer numbers he just could not help himself and quickly dialed in the number.

...

Many miles away on a government ship Smoker was out on the upper deck of the ship resting back in a lawn chair smoking two cigars at once and just enjoying the peace and quiet…that is till Tashigi came running up the stairs only then to fall flat on her face having tripped on … so it seemed air?

Quickly the women righted her self. "Commander Smoker sir! An urgent call from headquarters has come in for you!" she informed and held out the Den Den Mushi she had carried.

"Great. What do they want now…" muttered the man but took the Den Den Mushi and answered, "Hello, This is Smoker here."

"Commander Smoker we here of the Government have a new dept. Minor Offences Bureau and they have gotten some reported complaints concerning your person that are rather a larger issues then what they are use to handling."

Smoker bit on his cigars frowning, "What kind of complaints?"

"Well to put it frankly it's been reported that you have been chasing under age boys around."

Smoker nearly gagged on his cigar smoke at that. "Excuse me?" he finally chocked out.

"Yes the first incident starting in Arabasta in a small café."

"N-now just wait one damn minute here! Those were pirates!" Smoker deafened himself.

"Sir we really do not wish to know about your sex role play games with children we just are calling out of courtesy due to your long outstanding service for the Government. Yet if this continues we will need to take action."

"Take action? This is outrage! It's my job to lock up pirates!" Smoker yelled very red in the face at this point.

"Sir please calm down. Again there is no need to give us sexual details on what you do with them."

"You little shit! I want to speak to your superior right now!" Smoker demanded sitting up straight now.

"There really is no reason for that sir I'm just calling in regards to ask you tone down your sexual predator ways. At lest make sure they are eighteen sir."

"You bastard! …." Smoker was cut off.

"As well we want to ask you to be a little more discreet about your mail ordering. The excessive gay porn magazines ordered in your name we can over look if it helps keep your deprived urges for little boys down but the packages of sexual toys are making us becoming a little worried over just who you are using them with…"

"My gay porn magazines?" Smoker yelled out furious they were trying to pin more crazy bullshit on him. "And stop insinuating I have sex with little boys!" Smoker then yelled.

If the first out burst from Smoker had not made everyone on the government ship deadpanned and freeze in place the second one most certainly did the trick.

"Well as long as you understand the error of your ways sir that will be all. Have a pleasant day and remember to check to make sure the boys are of age." click went the line dead as the other party hung up.

Smoker slowly turned his head around and saw everyone staring at him and a cold sweat came to his beat red face as he froze up in utter embarrassment.

Hina crossed her arms then and shook her head, "Hina is not sure if she should be creped out or turned on here."

...

Later that night many more miles across the ocean Ace was just settling down in his hotel bed when his portable mini Den Den Mushi went off.

"Talk to me!" The fire starter answered.

"You bastard you swore to me you were over eighteen!" came Smoker's voice in outrage.

* * *

**A/N's**: *bows deeply in apology*


	2. Sanji's Revenge

**Title:** Sanji's Revenge

**Victim/s:** Kidd & Law

**A/N's:** Sanji's sneaky payback to Law in a continuation to my short drabble "Sanji's Secret" But no worries you don't need to have read it to get the joke here! ^.^

* * *

In the kitchen Sanji got out an ice pack from the freezer and slowly eased himself to sit down on it at the table as he then in turn pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. _Shitty Trafalgar_ ...thought the cook then smirked as he removed a piece of paper out from his coat pocket with a number on it. _Silly fool having left him alone in the room. _

With out another moment's haste the cook took hold of the Den Den Mushi on the table and put that number on the piece of paper to good use.

…

Kidd sat in his cabin on his ship touching up his nails with a new coat of black polish when his Den Den Mushi went off. Irritated at the interruption he picked the thing up and in an angry tone asked, "What?"

"Hello this is the Popping Bubble Inn over at Sabaody Archipelago. Is this Eustass Kidd?"

Kidd narrowed his eyes, "It is."

"Ah we were given your contact information by a Trafalgar Law after getting in contact with him."

Kidd rolled his eyes and waited for the guy to get on with it.

"It seems there was …an object left in Law-san's room and he claims it is yours."

"Oh?" was the simple reply though bit of curiosity now rising with in him.

"Yes however we are unsure how to send it you due to the contents of it."

"Huh?" Now Kidd was confused. He could not remember anything he left behind much less something that would be a problem to mail.

"Yes though it's safely stored in a jar that's in a drawer of the nightstand by the bed in the room …yet our house keepers are not willing to pick it up."

Ok now he was starting to get pissed off, "What in the hell is it?"

There was a pause…."We believe it to be a male genital."

Kidd blinked, "A dick?"

"Correct sir."

"In a jar …in a drawer …of a nightstand….by the bed…in Trafalgar's room." Kidd slowly stood up.

"Correct again sir."

"And Trafalgar said it was mine…."

"Yes…"

Kidd didn't wait to listen to hear the rest; he let the Den Den Mushi drop on the floor in a clatter as he stormed out of his room yelling to his crew, "Change of course! We are going after that bastard Trafalgar!"


	3. Sound of One Hand Clapping

**Title:** Sound of One Hand Clapping

**Victim/s:** Shanks & Buggy

**A/N's:** Cause its fun to mess with drunk people ^.^

* * *

Sanji clenched his teeth around his cigarette as he watched the shitty marimo leave with another bottle of rum from his liquor cabinet. _Damn fools needing to drink all the time_…

With that in mind Sanji eyed the Den Den Mushi "I shouldn't …It would…be wrong….so very bad…It's settled then!" and his feet happily danced themselves over to the Den Den Mushi and picked it up while whipping out his little black book of numbers and dialed away.

...

Shanks, rather buzzed sat in a chair on the harbor of a fairly busy island watching his men load up the cargo for the ship as Ben came down from the ship with Shanks' personal Den Den Mushi.

"Call for you." Ben said handing over the thing to the red haired man.

"Ah thanks!" Shanks took it then spoke ever so cheerfully to whomever it was calling him, "Greetings!"

"Ah Mr. Red Hair Shanks this is the president of Whisker's Smoky Rum."

Shanks smiled, "Oh your guy's rum is great! What do I owe the pleasure of this call?"

"Well about that…seems you were served a bad batch of rum about four weeks back."

"I was?" Shanks thought about it and really could not remember having any problems from having drank anything so shrugged it off, "Oh well its ok no harm done I guess."

"Well there wouldn't be till now sir. We would have called you sooner but we had troubles getting your contact information. You see at one of our factories there was an incident with Government marines and the Buggy Pirates and to make a long story short some experimental drug from the marines got dumped in a batch of our rum by Captain Buggy. We thought we had gotten rid of it all but that seems not so after all."

Shanks' face started to take on a serious look to it. "Well just what is it going to do to me?"

"Oh nothing to bad we assure you sir! Just some maybe light headedness and possible diarrhea."

Shanks' smile returned, "Ah well if that's all that's fine, accidents happen after all." He then laughed out.

"I'm so glad you see it like that and I just want to apologize again …heh just be thankful you have both your arms else this call would be much worse."

"Say what?" Shanks' blinked.

"Oh yes see the drug works much differently if the user does not have both of his arms due to the unbalance it makes on the heart resulting in a very unpleasant death."

"What?" screeched the normal good humored captain.

"Yes I know well anyways have a great…"

"W-wait I only have one arm!" Shanks yelled into the Den Den Mushi.

"Oh…oh dear."

"Well is there a cure? There has got to be a cure right?" Shanks pleaded.

"Oh yes most certainly there is we just need to get you to balance out your body…are you standing up sir?"

"I am now." Shanks said getting to his feet.

"Excellent now which arm is it that is missing?"

"The left." Shanks replied.

"Ok stand only on your left foot and lean to your left side."

Shanks did as told then yelled, "Ok now what?"

"Raise your right…well your only arm as high as you can and clap."

"What the hell! I told you I only have one arm how am I sups to clap?" Shanks howled

"Sir please calm down. Just try scrunching up your hand to make it clap on its self."

Grumbling Shanks did as asked.

"Is it making a sound?"

"Not much of one no." huffed the captain.

"Oh dear this will not do if the echoing sound does not properly vibrate the blood into circulation. We will need to go one step further. Quickly sir, stand on your head!"

Hearing the urgency in the man's voice Shanks quickly pulled himself into a headstand. "Ok!"

"Do you feel light headed?"

Shanks being use to many things, so being upside down was nothing. "Psh no way."

"Oh dear that means its worse and you only have an hour left!"

"W-what?" Shanks screeched.

"Quickly sir, remove everything you have on to help with your body's natural balancing."

"My clothing?"

"Quickly sir you're running out of time!"

Life flashing by his eyes Shanks quickly stripped.

"Now once you have nothing in the way of your body's natural balancing support start to do squats of only bending at the knees."

"Gaw its cold…ok, ok, I'm doing it, I'm doing it! This will fix it right?" a naked Shanks asked in mid exercise squats.

"Yes …w-wait you said you feel cold? Oh no stay away from the light sir, stay away from the light! Quickly rub your tummy and pat your head!"

"What both? Dammit I told you I only got one arm!" Shanks yelled out, yet was trying to rub his belly and pat his head in alternating goes.

A child walking by with her mother pointed out at the odd nude behaving pirate. "Look mommy, look at the funny man!" The mother looking became horrified at the sight and covered her child's eyes, "Don't look Melanie!" and hurried them both away.

"Sir you need to remain calm. If that's not working keep up the squats and go back to clapping."

"But the sound does not come out right!" wallowed the drunk man.

"Ah right…well I'm sorry sir there is a chance with all this you will make it out fine just keep doing that for the next hour and if you make it through that everything should be fine. I seriously hope this one slight inconvenience will not hindered you from choosing Whisker's Smoky Rum again in the future. Please do take care and have a pleasant tomorr-…erm well no guess you won't be having ones of those most likely….huh bye" Click and the line went dead.

…

With in the next fifteen minutes Shanks and his crew were chased off the island for indecent exposure with Shanks vowing, "If I ever see that big red nose bastard again I'm getting him good and drunk then stripping him bare and tying him up dead center of the nearest town and running him up a flag pole!"

* * *

**A/N's: ***_SPOILER_* and that last part is significant due to the last time we see Buggy and Shanks after the war at Marineford they are in a bar together drinking ^.^

Thanks for all the reviews! They are very loved and I hope you all keep enjoying my insanity. ^.^;


	4. Be a Man

**Title:** Be a Man

**Victim/s:** Garp & Luffy (with a dash of Coby and Helmeppo)

* * *

Sanji drop kicked Luffy out of the kitchen and watched as he sailed through the air then smacked hard against the mast of the ship making the long thick rod of solid wood shake. The cook then ignored Franky's bitching and whiny threats as he shut the door to the kitchen to head back over to the stove.

The blonde bit his cigarette hard in aggravation while staring into the half now empty pot on the stove. That rubber bastard had eaten half of the stew he had been working on all day for dinner tonight. Damn glutton of a captain was making it so he could not even take a piss anymore with out worrying about the safety of his kitchen.

Sanji stroked the scruff on his chin "Luffy really does have it to good these days…" he muttered with his cigarette hanging from the side of his mouth as a slow grin came to light up his face then.

Happily the blonde skipped his way over to the Den Den Mushi with black book in hand!

…

Many miles away on a government ship Admiral Garp was napping with a large snot bubble slowly increasing with size as he busily snored away behind a desk in his chair. Suddenly the door to the office Garp was in crashed in as both Coby and Helmeppo came racing in getting first stuck in the doorway as they both tried to enter at once then fell forward that ended in another crash that this time woke the Admiral making his snot bubble pop.

"What the hell is going on?" Garp growled out mad his nap had been interrupted.

Coby held up the Den Den Mushi, "Admiral Garp, sir!" Coby yelled as he and Helmeppo scrabbled to their feet. "It's the hospital they are calling about Luffy!"

At once Garp was over his desk and pulling the Den Den Mushi from the pink haired boy, "Hello this Admiral Garp is my grandson ok?"

"Hello Admiral this is East Blue Cross and yes so for the evaluation is going fine we were just calling to confirm your consent for the operation due to Monkey D. Luffy being under age."

"Operation?" Garp yelled out even more worried now as Coby and Helmeppo hugged each other with tears in their eyes and snot hanging from there noses.

"Luffy is not going to die is he?" Coby asked.

"Shut up so I can hear!" barked out Garp.

"Oh dear heavens sir please no, no you misunderstand its nothing life threatening this call is just about the sex change operation."

"Say what?" Garp yelled as the two boys in the room deadpanned.

"Yes Mr. Monkey wants his outtie an innie and a cup B size …is that what you both agreed on? Personally I think it's in very good taste as most people normally go C cup size or higher when they first come in. This really shows maturity in the boy…well soon to be a girl. I always say bigger is not always better."

"NO!" Garp finally yelled out after his tongue learned how to work again.

"Oh then you think it should be C cup size… very well I will make the changes on the forms."

"No no no!" Garp yelled, it at the moment being the only thing he could think to say still in the shock of it all.

"Sir I really don't think a boy of such narrow frame should have a D cup or higher it can lead to back problems as is. Really now you are his grandfather what kind of an example are you setting for him? You don't wish him to be self conscious about his appearance now do you?"

"Gaw …no cup …breasts no!" Garp sputtered red in the face.

"Are you meaning to tell me you're asking for him to be a cunt boy? My, I herd you government officials were pervy but I never…"

"You bastard! Don't you dare go saying anymore of that crap! There will be no sex change!"

A bit of a pause …"Sir look maybe we got off on the wrong foot here. Maybe my words were a little harsh but that is no reason to take your business elsewhere."

"There will be no business period! Luffy is not getting a sex change!" Garp finally was able to think straight again …yet the two boys in the room were still frozen in shock.

"Sir I understand things can be a bit embarrassing when others know about them but that is no reason to take this out on your grandson. You made a very bold step forward signing this form please do not take a step back now."

"You son of a bitch I didn't sign anything! Clearly it's a fake! That's it give me your name I'm personally coming down there to kick your ass if you so even think of giving my grandson a sex change!" Garp was livid on his feet yelling now into the Den Den Mushi.

"Oh dear sir please I didn't know…" there was suddenly then a great rustling on the other side of the line then a loud pop before the voice came back on the line, "I'm sorry sir it seems Strawhat Luffy is holding me at gun point I will need to call you back later." Click.

…

Sanji smirked popping a potato chip in his mouth from the bag in hand. Now all he would need to do is wait … but first. "Hey Franky!" The cook yelled out getting to his feet.

…

One week Later!

"Oi Luffy isn't that your grandfather's ship?" Zoro asked.

"Eh?" Luffy moved to the end of the ship to get a better look at the fast approaching ship.

"Luffy!" yelled out Garp with Coby and Helmeppo by his sides.

"Be a man Luffy, there are so much joys of manhood!" Garp yelled on.

Zoro raised a brow, "What is he going on about?"

"Be all you can be Luffy!" Coby yelled.

Luffy frowned, "I think they are trying to get me to join the marines again."

"Luffy let me tell you of the joys of manhood! The birds! The bees!" Garp yelled.

Luffy deadpanned along side of Zoro.

"A man's stinger is his pride!" Garp added.

"FRANKY! We need to Coup de Burst … RIGHT NOW!" Luffy yelled out.

"Ah sorry Strawhat but Cook-bro used my last barrel of cola last night for the BBQ Party." Franky said rubbing the back of his neck.

"Luffy be a man!" Garp, Coby and Helmeppo yelled in union.

As Garp then started to yell out across the ocean the 'good' workings of a man's pride a certain blonde cook was in the kitchen working on a new pot of stew with a huge grin on his face. Sanji had a feeling Luffy would not be trying to come in today to sneak a taste with all the action going on out there.


	5. Say Cheese

**Title**: Say Cheese

**Victim/s**: Paulie & Iceburg

* * *

Sanji sighed out a puff of smoke from the cigarette he held in his lips as he scrubbed at the lunch dishes ….that no one had offered to help with. Well Robin-chawn had but he would never have one of his lovely ladies trouble themselves.

As the cook scrubbed at the lunch dishes he listened to the two at the table, Robin with her coffee and Franky with his cola both having a small conversation about birthdays. Seemed Franky's old friend Iceburg had, had one not to long ago and Franky had sent him a camera as a present.

_My the things one learns just from listening_, mused the cook.

The two at the table then got up and brought their glasses to the sink to place with the rest of the mountain of dishes Sanji still had yet to wash.

"Thanks cook-bro." The cyborg said before heading out the door followed by Robin though she paused, "Do try not to over work yourself cook-san."

"Of course Robin-chawn!" sang out the cook with a happy smile.

Robin then shut the kitchen door behind herself leaving the cook alone in the kitchen.

Sanji paused in his actions and listened making sure they were really gone and away from the door. Confirming they were gone he snickered to himself while drying his hands on his pink apron then put out his cigarette in a near by ashtray only then to hurry over to the Den Den Mushi and pulled out his black book from his back pocket.

…

In Water 7 the Den Den Mushi on Mayor Iceburg's desk in his office then went off and off and off some more …then a tan hand finally picked it up to answer it. "Hello?"

"Hello is Mayor Iceburg available?"

Paulie sat on the edge of the desk and puffed out a cloud of smoke from his cigar, "Eh no sorry he is out showing the city to some people."

A pause…"Well this is rather important …do you know when he will be back in?"

"Nope. No idea." Paulie answered.

"Oh …I see ….huh may I ask who it is I'm speaking with?"

"This is Paulie…is there something I can help you with?"

"Oh your Paulie … well then yes in fact there is! This is One Hour Photo and this call is concerning some photos the Mayor left here for you to pick up."

Paulie blinked having not heard about this, "Eh …oh I'm sorry I guess I missed the memo on that. I can come down now to pick them up however." He offered.

"I'm sorry sir but it's against our policy to distribute these kind of photos thus why we are calling."

Pauile cocked his head to the side in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Well I would not want this to get around due to it being possible to damage the mayor's reputation but the pictures are… well very naughty…of the Mayor."

"Naughty? You mean like bad dealings? Now that is just crazy there is no way Iceb-…" Paulie was cut off.

"No sir! … Nude pics!"

Paulie turned three shades red as his cigar dropped from his mouth. _Nude pics of Iceburg!_ His mind started to wander thus only making him turn all the more red.

"Sir I think it's very healthy in your relationship with the mayor that you would be getting such gifts from him but you might want to try and suggest polaroids to him?"

"W-we.. n-nnn huh.. no! We don't!" sputtered the shipwright.

"Its ok sir, really we see this kind of thing much more then you would think …of course not of the mayor but these pictures did turn out rather well ... especially of this one with him tied up in your ropes."

"Gawk! Don't look at those you pervy son of a bitch!" Paulie yelled furiously.

"Sorry sir they are rather hard not to look at…"

Just then the door to the Mayor's office opened and Iceburg came in with his new camera from Franky. "Oh there you are Paulie."

Paulie bristled and kept his back to the door.

"I wanted tested out my new camera and take some pictures with you nmaa." Iceburg said coming into the room.

Paulie's nose then spurted in massive flow of blood as his face moved past red and turned purple as he then in turn fainted dropping to the floor, the Den Den Mushi clattering onto the desk.

…

Sanji hung up the Den Den Mushi and laughed his ass off. Ok so not the targets he had thought to get but when a chief does not have all his ingredients he improvises ... and if he did say so himself this was another masterpiece. He could not have asked for better timing on it all!

* * *

**A/N's:** Sorry for any mess-ups. I do try to edit my work but it's not my strong suit. One day I will get around to finding a beta-er-ish minion to bend to my will but I'm just to lazy to search one out at the moment xD and I keep coming up with all these plot bunnies x.x I think I would over work the poor sod that signed up to give me a hand xD

Anywhoo! Hope you're all enjoying! AND! Get ready for my B-Day Special edition coming up this June 2nd! Were there will be more jokes more headaches more pervyness! AND just plain more! Till then please enjoy the regular drabbles I will be posting to tie you over till then ^.^

*noodle dances with hearts pouring out of her eyes* All your reviews are so wonderful! They make my heart sore from pumping with such love in it!


	6. Panties equal True Love

**Title:** Panties = True Love

**Victim/s:** Kaya & Usopp

* * *

"Mellorine!" sang out the cook with hearts pouring from his eyes as Nami and Robin walked into the kitchen both in tiny bathing suits that really didn't cover anymore then underwear would.

"Sanji-kun we going to be laying out on the deck. Bring some drinks out for us, ne?" Nami asked in her sweet voice she always used when she wanted something.

"Haiiii Nami-swaaaan! Anything for you!" cooed the cook in mid noodle dance.

Usopp shook his head watching the whole scene but said nothing till Robin and Nami left. Then asked, "Sanji-kun don't you think it's rather silly to get so worked up about them every time? I mean they dress like that all the time!" The sniper stressed.

The blonde once more his cool easy laid back self raised a curled brow at the long nosed man. "Eh? Just what are you getting at?" he asked then pulling out a cigarette and lit it up.

"I'm just saying Sanji-kun that you should take after me the Great Captain Usopp and learn how to act around women. I mean you don't see me getting nose bleeds over every pretty face." Usopp pointed out as he got up from the table walking over to the kitchen door with his hands on his hips.

"You did not just say that to me…." Before the long nose bastard got a chance to reply Sanji let lose with his leg and kicked Usopp in his narrow ass right out the door and slammed it shut. "The nerve of that shitty bastard!" growled the cook biting down on his cigarette. Even after having kicked the bastard he was not feeling better…it was not like he wanted revenge, it was just…he wanted to prove the bastard wrong!

Sanji rubbed at his chin as he thought….but to do this plan … no he could not do that, not that, anything but that! Then a thought came to his mind. No he could not! But! Mr. Prince could! Sanji whipped out a pair of sunglasses from his inner coat pocket and put on them letting the yellow tinted shades hide his blue eyes as he strolled over to the Den Den Mushi with black book now in hand.

…

In the large white mansion in Syrup Village the Den Den Mushi went off. Merry at once answered. "Hello Miss Kaya's residence."

"Hello my friend this is Romance Weekly and we are calling to congratulate Miss Kaya on winning our monthly romance true love contest! Is she free for an interview?"

"Oh my how very exciting! One moment please." said Merry all the bustle. Quickly the man then relayed the message to Kaya and she was on the Den Den Mushi at once.

"Hello this is Kaya. Oh this is so amazing …wait but I didn't enter any contest." Kaya then pouted just realizing.

"No but your warrior of the sea did put your names in. With this amazing tale of how Usopp fell in love with you …we have already got statements from him I was just wondering if I could ask you a few things so I can write up the article."

"Oh well then ... huh sure." Kaya blushed looking away from Merry. The man getting the hint left the room so Kaya could have her privacy.

"Since you two have been parted have you sent him love letters?"

"Well letters yes…" the girl blushed more.

"I see and have you sent him any pictures of your self?"

"Oh yes I took some pictures with the local boys in the village a few weeks ago and sent them to him. They really are getting so big now." Kaya smiled.

"So then no …" there was a pause, "No nude photos then?"

"Oh my … huh well … no." Kaya at once turned much more red.

"Have you sent him any of your clothing?"

Kaya now blinked at that, "Why would I do that?"

"Well as I'm sure you know all great warriors of the sea are gifted with their ladies underpants. It's a time honored tradition that shows true love."

Kaya turned a brighter shade of red, "Oh I did not know that."

"I see….well maybe I should call back sometime then."

"Oh wait! I mean, I can, I will!" promised the woman.

"Ah that's alright Miss Kaya I'm sure are readers will be happy with the info we got from him, you have a good day and take care now!" Click.

…

Sanji panted taking off the glasses, "Oh god I'm going to hell!"

…

Two weeks later…

Usopp sat at the kitchen table messing around with the band of his sling shot as Luffy was going on about something to the long nose man while Sanji was wiping down the counter tops.

Brook then busted in with a package in his arm, "Usopp you got mail!" called out the skeleton and handed over to the package to Usopp.

"Oh boy it's from Kaya!" the sniper's face at once lit up.

"Oh is it food?" Luffy asked only to get pushed away by Usopp.

At hearing this Sanji stopped in his tasks to watch with a small smirk on his face.

Usopp opened the package up and pulled out the only thing in it, which was some cloth. Curiously he unfolded the cloth, and then at once realized what he had in his hands. His nose busted with squirts of blood as his whole face turned red and he fall backwards in a faint still holding Kaya's panties in both his hands, his body frozen locked in place.

"Yohohoho I spy panties!" Brook laughed.

Luffy cocked his head to the side to stare at them, "Why would she send him panties? He is not sups to wear them is he?"

Sanji snickered.

"Actually captain all great warriors of the sea are gifted with their ladies underpants. It's a time honored tradition that shows true love." Brook explained.

Sanji deadpanned then shook his head, "Say what?"

Brook nodded, "It's very true. I'm surprised you have not heard it before Sanji."

What the hell! He had only just made that shit up! Sanji shook his head at lest he made his point.

* * *

**A/N's:** Cause lies with Usopp seem to have a weird way of coming true xD


	7. Buggy's Balls

**Title:** Buggy's Balls

**Victim/s:** Buggy & Kuro

**A/N's:** Cause we really didn't get to see Buggy humiliated enough last time ^.^

* * *

Sanji breathed in the fresh barked aroma of the donut holes that just came out of the oven that now sat on the counter top. As he then added an icing glaze over them he giggled to himself as an idea wiggled its way into head.

Since he had nothing else to do till the other batch of donut holes was done he pulled out his little black book and danced his way over to the Den Den Mushi.

…

Many miles away …

It was another fabulous day aboard the Buggy pirate ship. A party was in full swing and the reason? ... Hell who needed a reason when you were a Buggy Pirate!

The Den Den Mushi then went off and it took a bit for someone to hear it over all the noise but was finally picked up by none other then Buggy. "This is Buggy what do you want?" laughed the captain watching Richie get smacked by Alvida for sniffing her rear.

"Good afternoon sir! This is the editor of BANG BAM BOOM and we want to do an article on the world's best cannonballs."

Buggy's chest swelled with pride, "So naturally you called the greatest cannonball maker I see."

"Well to be honest …it's a tie sir."

"Whaaa?" Buggy's mouth dropped open nearly hitting the floor.

"Yes you see Kuro, Captain of the Black Cat Pirates has made these new cannonballs and they are most impressive. We were calling you though to get some information so we can compare and see just really who's are better."

"Well of course you will see my Buggy Balls are the best!"

"Well are your balls very heavy sir?"

"Well of course they are, with the huge load they have inside them."

Pause… "Does the large load they hold with in make them shoot very far?"

"Oh yes! My balls can go very far indeed!" promised the captain.

Another Pause …."I see …and the power behind your balls?"

"It's all about the balls! They do all the work thus the power comes straight from them not behind them at all! I promise you my balls pack quite the punch!"

"I see…."

"And once you have been hit by one of my balls you wont be coming back up for awhile if at all." assured Buggy.

"Oh my….and have you had your balls blasted in many people's faces?"

"Tons! My balls have blasted so many people by now I can not even count!" boasted the clown pirate.

Pause yet again… "Ok…and last but not lest how big sir…how big are your balls?"

"Oh they are fairly big but nothing you can't get your arms around. Anymore bigger and it would just be a waste." nodded the Captain in thought of this.

A sort of off cough came from the Den Den Mushi, "Alright sir…huh thank you very much for your time but maybe we will have to ask for a physical test as it seems your balls are rather evenly matched with Captain Kuro's."

"B-but my balls are better! They are bigger and stronger and …" Buggy was cut off at that.

"I'm sorry sir you do try and have a good day." Click

…

Sanji hung up the Den Den Mushi and busted into a fit of laugher he had been trying to hold since he had started the call. Once he finally calmed down he picked up one of the glazed over donut holes and smirked, "Fools don't they know my balls are the best of them all." He then popped the donut hole into his mouth.

…

One Week Later!

It had taken Buggy a bit but he had finally tracked down that bastard. He now stormed into the bar where the other Captain was, the door falling off the hinges as Buggy pushed his way in.

"Kuro!" roared out Buggy pointing a finger at the man at the bar.

Kuro in mid drink sitting at the bar turned his head just enough to see who it was that dared to call him out.

"Whip out your balls right now and I will show you mine can out blast yours any day!" yelled Buggy out in the crowded bar room.

Upon hearing the request Kuro dropped his glass spiting out his drink in a gush of shock and surprise.


	8. Accident Prone

Title: Accident Prone

Victim/s: King Cobra & Koza (and kinda Vivi)

* * *

Sanji was busy working on a new fruit drink in the kitchen while his lovely Nami-swan sat at the kitchen table reading a letter when a frown then started to come to her face.

Sanji's Nami-unhappy-o-meter went off drawing his attention away from the fruits he was working with and he then clasped his hands together wiggling side to side. "Oh Nami-swan what ever is wrong to make your oh so lovely face frown so?"

Nami looked up from the letter she was reading, "Hum?"

"Such heavenly beauty should never look so displeased." Sanji went on now with hearts in his eye as he gazed at the navigator.

"Oh it's just poor Vivi. She wrote me a letter saying she has been dating Koza now for awhile and he still has not asked her to marry him." Nami explained as she got to her feet.

Sanji deadpanned. His precious Vivi-chawn with another man! Say it isn't so!

Nami shook her head. "Poor Vivi she has tried every hint she can think of but nothing seems to be working." she went on to add as she gathered her maps and mail from the table.

Sanji leaned back now on his elbows on the island counter after having lit up a cigarette. His head tilt back as he then blew out a puff of smoke only to watch it rise higher up to the ceiling as he stood in his ever so cool laid back pose as he thought about what Nami was saying.

"Some guys just can't take a hint I guess. Oh well I will see you later Sanji-kun." Nami called as she went on out the kitchen door.

Sanji watched his Nami-swan go and knew what he had to do about this! Pulling out his black book he headed over to the Den Den Mushi.

…

Far, far away in the land of Arabasta …

King Cobra stood in his privet study at a table with a large island map spread out over the table. At the moment the king was hunched over the table with his hands on solider pieces as he acted out a little scene, "Bang pow! ... Ha! You like that sandman? No one messes with Cobra!" he said letting one of the figures bang on top of the other.

Just then the Den Den Mushi in the room went off and the King paused in his games to go over to his desk to answer it. "Hello this is his Majesty King Cobra."

"Oh dear huh…hello your Majesty. Huh this is Planned Parenthood I'm calling in regards to Princess Vivi's pregnancy test. Is she available?"

The King's eyes bugged out of his head. "What?"

"Her pregnancy test sir. Now if she is not around maybe I could speak with the to be father Koza? Oh dear I didn't just say that."

"Koza!" roared the King as fire tore into his eyes and a dark aura surrounded him.

"Sorry I'm a bit new to this so please don't let anyone know that I told you…I mean its not like I told you about all the times they have been in here before. I guess all those jokes about to small of condoms for Koza were a lie and they really were trying to get pregnant after all. They are such a lovely couple …" The Den Den Mushi got out no more as the King slammed it down.

…

Two weeks later …

"Sanji-kun!" Nami called out coming into the kitchen.

Sanji at once stopped what he was doing of cutting up some vegetables and twirled over to his lovely Nami-swan's side while calling out, "Haiii Nami-swan!"

"I just got another letter from Vivi!" Nami happily explained and went on to add, "And she says there is going to be a wedding next month for her and Koza! It would be sooner but it seems poor Koza had a couple of accidents and bumped into some doors and fell down the stairs a few times and is a bit of a mess, so they are waiting till the bruises and such heal up so the wedding pictures will turn out nice…odd he didn't seem that accident prone when we met him before." Nami said tapped at her chin in thought.

Sanji turned his back to the navigator as he lit up a cigarette snickering, "Yes …very odd indeed."

* * *

**A/N's**: GASP! And tomorrow it will happen the Special Edition I promised you all cause tomorrow is my birthday! There will be tons of victims in this next drabble/oneshot maybe some old faces and a lot of new ones too…and maybe even what you all have KINDA been waiting for…Sanji getting a prank pulled on him? Well to find out you all better drop by tomorrow and just see for yourselves! ^.^

One more thing! I was questioning my sanity about baked donut holes. I remember or at lest I thought I had about my grandmother giving me a baked donut when I was a little Lolly but it has been years ago since then so I looked up _Baked_ donut hole recipes and here is one I found you all might think is yummy if you want try. If I still remember right they are sups to be healthier for you then the fried ones. Heh it was the reason why I had Sanji make baked donut holes in the first place as I would think he would want his crew to eat healthy at lest now and then.

(Humm donut …doughnut O.o; feel free to tell me which is the right spelling xD)

BAKED DOUGHNUT HOLES

2 tbsp. vegetable oil  
1/2 c. sugar  
2 egg whites (or 1/4 c. egg substitute)  
1 tsp. vanilla extract  
2/3 c. skim milk  
1/2 tsp. nutmeg  
2 c. plain flour  
1 tbsp. baking powder

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In large bowl beat oil, sugar and egg whites until light and fluffy. Add vanilla and milk; stir well. In medium bowl sift flour and add gradually to sugar mixture.

Lightly coat small muffin tins with vegetable cooking spray and fill 2/3 full with batter. Bake until golden, 15-18 minutes. While doughnuts are baking, prepare topping.

_**TOPPING:**_

1 1/2 tbsp. butter  
1/2 c. sugar  
2 tsp. cinnamon

Melt butter and place in small bowl. Mix together in another small bowl sugar and cinnamon. Brush warm doughnuts with melted butter, then roll in cinnamon mixture.

Nutrition information per doughnut: 59 calories, 1 g. fat (20% of calories from fat), 39 mg. sodium.


	9. Lucci Got Fingered

**Title:** Lucci Got Fingered (B-Day Special Edition)

**Victim/s:** Lucci & Smoker & most CP9 & kinda Sanji xD

**A/N's:** Yup it's my birthday today so I thought it only fitting I do something special for this drabble/Oneshot …then I thought why not do many special things for it O.o?

So here is the list of just some of the special-ness!

1) Tribute to the great insane mind of Tom Green with his movie Freddy Got Fingered.

2) AcexSanji cause it's my b-day and I adore this pair!

3) Smoker gets picked on again because it's so damn fun!

4) And! For all of you who have been wanting to see Sanji get a little payback … here it …kinda is? xD

Also note reference to my drabble "Sanji's Secret" is once again made. Still you don't need to have read it to get the full out joke of it all though heh.

Well anyways hope you all enjoy ^.^

Thanks so much for all the reviews! They are all dearly loved!

* * *

With the captain's brother visiting Sanji had been working his fingers to the bones preparing monstrous amounts of food for the gluttonous pair and the rest of the crew. Due to all the extra food he had been having to cook he had got backed up on his other kitchen duties.

Having gotten all the dishes done Sanji was now on his knees with his head in the oven cleaning it when Ace came in.

Ace did a double take at the sense and his eyes bugged out of his head. "Don't do it Sanji!" the fire starter yelled and dashed over tackling the blonde jerking Sanji out of the oven thus also knocking over the bucket of water by the cook he had been using with the task to clean the oven.

Sanji ended up flat on his back with that backside very wet and frantic fire starter grabbing at his shirt shaking him, "Live Sanji live!"

"Oi!" Sanji growled out. "What the hell is your problem?"

Ace blinked and now took in the sight of the cook, rubber dish gloves on the cook's hands along with the sponge in one of his hands, and then there was the knock over bucket. Ace quickly realized his mistake with all the facts. "Oh …heh woops …sorry about that Sanji?" Ace laughed sitting up straddling the blonde as he rubbed the back of his head.

The cook raised a curled brow not able to help but think Ace didn't look very sorry. "Can you get off me now?" He then asked in annoyance.

Ace got off him and helped the other man up.

"Was there something you needed or were you just coming in here to plow me off my feet?" Sanji then asked once again on his said feet while pulling off his rubber dish gloves.

"Erm you mean to sweep you off your feet?" Ace gave him a smirk.

Sanji just eyed him as he removed his wet suit jacket next.

Ace seeing the cook was irritated and not being able to pull a smile from him Ace decide to cough up the half truth of why he was in the kitchen. "Just thought I could score a per-dinner snack?"

Sanji rolled his eyes and started to unbutton his white shirt. "Figures you and your brother are all the same…"

"So that's a no?" Ace pouted.

The cook looked away; "Breadbox." was the only thing he said as he removed his shoes and socks next then took all the items over to lay out on the backs of some of the chairs to dry.

Ace smiled and hurried over to the breadbox opening it up to pull out a plate filled with Koala's March. (A type of cookie that has sweet filling inside.)

Sanji would never say he made them just for the man but, he had.

"Oh wow one of my favorites and yum chocolate and strawberry ones! Man you're the best Sanji!" praised the fire starter.

Sanji kept his back turned so not to show the blush on his cheeks and lit up a cigarette.

"Man this sure if the good life. I could just stay here forever and with no rent or need to pay for meals I could so afford it too." Ace joked.

A smirk finally came to the blonde's lips as he puffed out a cloud of smoke. "Don't let Nami-san hear you say that or she will end up finding a way to charge you." he warned and would have not done so for anyone else but Ace against his precious Nami-swan!

Ace sat down at the table and nodded, "Then I would be like those poor bastards from CP9 you guys beat up awhile back." he laughed as he munched on his cookies.

"Eh?" Sanji asked attention now perked.

Ace then went to explain to Sanji about how he had ran into them on this island were they were doing all these odd jobs to pay for doctor bills for their leader Lucci.

Sanji listened very intently getting all the details he could and only having to jab Ace awake a few times.

Once the bit of gossip and cookies were done and gone, Ace washed his dish and left Sanji alone in the kitchen.

With all of what Sanji had just herd how could he not think to do it! Besides he had been such a good boy of late he had earned a bit of indulgence. So pulling the Den Den Mushi over to him he called up information getting the number of the hospital Lucci was in then used the number for his own evil deeds.

…

The Den Den Mushi went off in Lucci's hospital room and was picked up by Kaku, "Hello?" he said ever so politely.

"Stop touching that you filthy mutt." Lucci narrowed his eyes at Jyabura as the man was poking at the remote to Lucci's bed making the back of the bed raise.

"I'm only trying to turn on the TV you monster cat." growled out Jyabura.

"Well it's not the damn TV remote and if you had half a brain you would have figured that out by now." retorted Lucci.

"Hello this is the Government's Chief assistant to the head of Complaints Department. Is Mr. Rob Lucci available for conference?" came the voice from the Den Den Mushi.

The room went hush then.

Finally Kalifa whispered, "How did they find us?"

"Look we are wanting to make a deal with you all but it's up to Mr. Lucci or not. There has been a reported incident from Mr. Lucci's past that we want cleared and we are willing to pay for it to be done so as well as wiping all your records clean." came the voice again from the Den Den Mushi.

The four in looked at each other and then Lucci held his hand out to Kaku for the Den Den Mushi. Once it was handed to him he spoke into it, "This is Lucci here."

"Ah good afternoon Mr. Lucci. I hate to bring up such painful memories but this really needs to be cleared of our records. See Commander Smoker is under going therapy for certain addictions and in one of these sessions he admitted to on many accounts …I believe the term is called ... "fingering you" … when you were but a boy in training with us."

Everyone in the room deadpanned expect for Lucci who had a tic form on his forehead.

"He said what?" Lucci asked in a cold tone as his grip on the Den Den Mushi became harder.

"Now sir I know this is a very sensitive subject but if you could find it with in your heart for the sake of Commander Smoker's rehabilitation to call and forgive him we are willing to clear away all your debts and this little misunderstand that happened on Enies Lobby."

"No, there has been some kind of mix up I most certainly have never been…" but Lucci was stopped by Kalifa putting a hand over his mouth.

"Wait…even if it happened or didn't ... still this is too good to pass up." Kalifa whispered.

"You know this is explains soooo much…" Jyabura then snickered trying to control his laughter.

Lucci turned his cold eyes to Jyaburra then and if looks could kill …well lets just say Jyabura would be dead many times over.

Kaku nodded ignoring Jyabura, "I hate to say this but she is right. The fact that they already know where we are is problematic alone. If we go against their wishes it could only lead to bigger problems yet …just for this little thing Lucci … I mean unless it's true then I most certainly would understand if you didn't wish to speak to this Smoker man again."

Lucci pushed Kalifa's hand away. "He never…" he stopped and sighed. If he didn't say yes to this man then it would seem like it really did happen to the others and no matter what he said afterwards most likely would not change their minds after that. "Fine….its a deal." Lucci muttered into the Den Den Mushi.

"Ah wonderful! May I say you are truly a forgiven person…personally if it was me I don't think I could do it."

"Whatever just tell me what I need to do." Lucci grumbled.

…

Sanji was having a very hard time keeping a straight face as he left very clear instructions for Lucci and Smoker's number with him.

As the cook hung up the Den Den Mushi a soft clap of applauds sounded from across them room.

Sanji whipped around and his one visible blue eye was surprised to see Ace standing there leaning against the kitchen door clapping.

"Huh….I can explain!" Sanji offered.

"I'm sure you can." smirked the fire starter and pushed off the door after locking it and then started in a slow pace to the blonde.

"It was … just this once, this one whim of a thing…." Sanji tried.

"Nu-huh…I have been hearing stories all over the place about calls being made and trouble being caused by them. I knew there could only be one person behind such a thing." Ace stopped in front of the cook.

"Eh…it must be a fluke…I mean… I would... that's so childish…" sputtered the blonde.

"So why are you picking on Smoker again?" Ace ignored Sanji's painfully clear lies and leaned down putting his face in the cook's, "You know it was only just that one time with me and him." he smirked.

Sanji blushed and looked away.

"It was before I knew you…" Ace tried

Sanji looked back at Ace then with a raised brow feeling way too embarrassed to speak anymore about that topic so he switched back to the prank calls, "So really …how did you figure it out?"

Ace stood back up, "It was a wild guess in truth. I was not really sure it was you…thus the bait I feed you a little while ago…"

Sanji pouted not liking the idea of someone able to so easily set him up.

"The question now though is….what are you going to do to keep me from telling all your other victims?" Ace asked with a smug grin.

…

One hour later …

"No Hina I'm not showing you my gay porn magazines." Smoker huffed.

"Awe come on Hina want to see! Just one peek?" pressed the woman.

"No!" growled out Smoker clinching his teeth around his two cigars.

"Awe why not? Hina wants to see." pouted the woman.

"Because for the last time I don't have a gay porn magazine collection!" stressed the man as his annoyance increased another notch.

Tashigi then came up and held a Den Den Mushi out to Smoker who was leaning against the railing by Hina on their government ship. "Sir Ex CP9 agent Rob Lucci is on the line for you." she said with a worried frown.

Smoker blinked looking over to the other woman. The news she reported most certainly could not be good, "Smoker here." he answered as he always did after taking the Den Den Mushi from Tashigi.

There was a long pause then and then came hushed whisperings and mutters then finally a voice spoke up. "This is Rob Lucci."

"And?" Smoker asked rather puzzled.

"Come on say it scardy cat." came a whispered voice from the Den Den Mushi "Can it bastard dog…" A huff of a sigh came from Lucci then spoke up again to Smoker, "I forgive you!"

Smoker now even more puzzled. "For what?"

"I told you, you need to say it clearly." Kalifa hissed in a whisper. "All of you just shut up…" Lucci growled. "Smoker!." Lucci then stated very firmly and added, "I forgive you for fingering me as a child now just give me my damn money!"

Smoker, Tashigi, Hinta and the near by marines deadpanned.

Smoker was the first one out of it and turned towards the railing and dumped the Den Den Mushi into the sea, "That's it! I refuse to take anymore calls!" he yelled out very red in the face.

….

Five Hours Later …

Sanji blew out a puff of smoke from his cigarette and sighed, "So this makes us even right. You promise you won't tell anyone?" Sanji questioned.

Ace nuzzled his head to the side of Sanji's bare chest as they both lay nude on the kitchen floor. "Of course … this time." purred the fire starter.

"Oi!" Sanji cried looking over at the other man. "The deal was if I did this you would not tell!"

"And I won't …this time, but to keep my silence I say we go at it a few more times." smirked Ace up at Sanji.

The cook got a sudden déjà vu feeling and then raised a curled brow to Ace, "You're not related to Trafalgar Lawby chance are you?"

It was Ace's turn to be confused now, "Huh?"

Sanji smirked and reached up to stuff his cigarette in an ashtray on the table top, "Never mind." And with that he pulled Ace up into kiss before the fire starter could question his words anymore. If this was punishment Sanji most certainly could get use it! After all he had been such a very bad, bad boy!

* * *

**A/N's:** I'm so going to hell! xD

Ok sorry about this one I apologize! Forgive me for indulging myself!

*bows deeply* Hope you all check out the other things I will be posting out today as well! *shares her b-day cake with everyone* ^.^


	10. Rubber Substitution

**Title:** Rubber Substitution

**Victim/s**: Mihawk & Hancock (with a dash of Shanks & Luffy)

**A/N's:** Here is a bit of Boa as requested by Poseida Lunar! Hope you like!

Also note now that I'm back to writing my serious stories I might not update with this more then once a week or less. Sorry. T.T

BUT! Feel free to place in requests if you have not seen me prank one of your fav chars yet and I will try (keyword here) to do them though females are a bit hard to do xD Damn Sanji and his nobility xD

P.S The spelling on Hancock's name when Luffy is saying it is meant to be wrong ^.^

* * *

Sanji leaned on the counter island in kitchen his back to the table as he was busy smoking a cigarette and looking through a book of Den Den Mushi numbers to government officials and such that he had picked up an hour ago from a raid on a marine ship that had been stupid enough to attack them.

Luffy and Usopp sat at the table talking about something but when the word date was mentioned Sanji became all ears.

"I don't know what she is thinking I already told her no three times now. Yet Hancrek is still saying she will be waiting at Le Mettie restaurant for me that's on the next island a week from now at 6pm." frowned the captain then turned to look to Sanji having a bright idea or so he thought and smiled as he asked, "Hey Sanji how do you do it?"

The question made Usopp look back and forth between the two and could already see what was coming and hurried to get up out of the way.

The blonde raised a curled brow. "Do what Luffy?"

"Repeal women so easily." smiled on the captain.

After kicking the living crap out of Luffy and then Usopp too for just being there and even kicking them both out of his kitchen he was still pissed. He most certainly did not repeal women he thought to himself while puffing away on three cigarettes at once due to the irritation of his foul mood.

Noticing the book of numbers again he picked it up and blinked at the name he saw there. Well maybe this would make him feel better. He headed over then to the Den Den Mushi.

…

Mihawk's portable mini Den Den Mushi went off and the man answered it having been doing nothing before other then sailing on his little boat alone and kinda board in all honesty.

"Good evening." he answered.

"Hello! I'm Todd, I'm from Date a Bank Romance!" came an overly cheerful voice.

Mikawk blinked and stared at his Den Den Mushi as the little snail took on a creepy gay looking face expression.

"And I'm calling for Mr. Juracule Mihawk."

"Huh that would be me but I'm sorry I'm not interested…" he was cut off.

"Oh no, no you silly, silly boy! I'm not selling anything I'm calling to tell you about the free membership you were gifted by your dear friend Shanks!"

Mihawk's right eye twitched. "Maybe you could refund it then because…" again he was cut off.

"Oh stop! Don't be a party pooper you! Besides Shanks already filled out most of your information and submitted a video of you that has been circulating around here like a wild fire darling. I have never seen the girls go so crazy over something before."

"He did what!" a faint blush then came do the man's face as he thought about it. "Erm…what was on the tape?"

"Oh you know some of your sword fights, Shanks saying some sweet things about you, you drunk and nude with a banana up your ass, you drinking with your friends at a party, you hanging out on the beach, you know the normal stuff." the man said all very fast.

"W-wait what was that one about a banana?" Mihawk's eyes nearly bugging out of his head.

"Oh honey don't sweat the trivial stuff, life is to short for that anyways. What I'm calling for is to help you pick out one the lovely young ladies for your first date!"

"I really don't know about this…" sure it had been awhile since he had last been on a date but to use some service…then again it was free.

"Well everything is worth a try come on what do you say."

Frowning Mihawk weighed it out. What was the worst that could happen after all? "Very well then…"

And so the world's greatest Swordsman listened and ended up settling on some girl named Sally. Sally was a good dependable name he tried to assure himself.

…

One week later (roughly around 6pm)…

Boa Hancock sat in Le Mettie restaurant waiting for Luffy, her hands clasped together as she could see the events of the night all planed out now and of course the evening would end with a kiss! Her cheeks blushed at the very thought of it all.

Mihawk then walked up to the table, "Miss Sal… I mean Miss Hancock." Mihawk bowed greeting the woman whose costume really looked like the real thing! He was rather surprised. The Monkey D. Luffy outfit he wore seemed like trash next to hers, he would really need to find out where she did her shopping.

Boa blinked and looked up at Mihawk, "Why are you wearing that!"

The swordsman stood up straight and fidgeted in the red vest, "Well it's my costume of course." He explained as dignifiedly as he could. Todd had explained to him how this date event would be at a costume themed restaurant and how they were sups to stay in character or at lest keep to the names they were dressed as and Todd had signed him up to go as Luffy.

Boa gasped. Of course! No wonder Luffy put up so much a fight of coming here tonight. He was a wanted man after all. Yet for his love for her he had found a way using his rubber powers to make himself look like another! "Oh my! You truly are amazing Luffy!"

…

Three days later…

Luffy walked into the kitchen scratching his head holding a thank you card. "Sanji…I was here three days ago right?"

Sanji looked up from cutting up some vegetables. "Of course, what kind of dumb question is that?"

"Well I just got this thank you card from Hancook and saying she had a wonderful time but understands why I have been refusing her…"

Sanji raised a brow, "Eh?" _The date had worked out?_ He questioned to himself.

Luffy shrugged, "For some crazy reason now she thanks I gay….HEY! Is that the way you do it Sanji?"

A vein stressed it's self on the side of Sanji's head then he tore after the rubber bastard.


	11. Deflowered Fire

**Title:** Deflowered Fire

**Victim/s:** Whitebeard & Smoker (and Ace too in the long run ^.^)

**A/N's:** Sooo I had some free time and there was a request in, and muse struck me so I thought what the heck! Plus I'm not one to pass up a chance to torture Smoker! Tee hee!

This one goes out to you Kiarra-Chan for your request on Whitebeard! Hope it's to your liking!

(This drabble also refers to the drabble in this series "Lucci got Fingered")

* * *

"Hey Sanji mail call!" cried out Chopper coming into the kitchen waving a letter to the cook.

"Ah thanks Chopper." smiled the blonde taking it and took noticed of no return address or name given. He took a seat on one of the stools by the island counter and opened the letter not minding the little doctor behind him reading over his shoulder. Though the letter only was only one sentence still with no name given.

_Thanks for the sweets, it left me with burning desire for more next time we meet._

Sanji bristled knowing just whom this letter was from. Shitty bastard fire starter.

"Eh Sanji, what is that all about?" Chopper asked in confusion.

Sanji's visible blue eye widened having forgotten about Chopper. "Huh…I made some cookies for a friend." Ok so not a full out lie.

"Ohh! Sanji can I have some too!" The little reindeer's eyes lighting up with stars in them.

A horrid look came over the blonde's face. "Defiantly not!"

After calming down a crying reindeer and promising to make him some cotton candy later, Sanji pulled out his black book, alone once again in the kitchen. "Bastard I will fix your cocky ass."

…

Whitebeard was busy being attended by his lovely nurses and enjoying a cup of sake that would be a large tub to most people.

"Huh sir there is a Commander Smoker on the Den Den Mushi for you." said one of the lovely nurses.

Frowning at wondering what in all blazing hell a marine was doing calling him, and wondering how he had gotten his number in the first place, he held out his hand. He was planning to find out that was for damn sure. The nurse placed the Den Den Mushi in the palm of his hand, and he then took the spec that was in his hand and held it up to his face.

"What do you think your doing calling this number? Do you have just any idea who you're messing with?" he asked already enraged.

"Oh ho! So sorry pops, I was just hoping you could tell me where Ace was." came the voice of Smoker through the Den Den Mushi, yet strangely sounding very cocky and energetic.

This only got Whitebeard madder. "Why would I give you one of the locations to my son's whereabouts?"

"Hey cool it, take it easy now. I just wanted to return something to him… see a few weeks back he left his underwear in my room and well they were not the eatable kind we were using before. I got to say he is a little firecracker! I came up with a whole other reason to call him Fire Fist Ace that's for damn sure….huh but hey I hear he is of age now …" The Smoker voice was cut off.

"What did you just say to me! What did you do to my son!" Whitebeard's ship started to shake with his raw power.

"Huh maybe I should call back later? Just tell Ace I called. Thanks bye!" Click!

…

Sanji smirked, ok that had been a little scary and he would feel sorry for Smoker …if he cared.

"Heh..." The cook swayed his hips as he strutted in a walk over to the sink, feeling pretty good about himself, then he started to set to work on some dishes. "Let's see Luffy do a better impersonation then that!"

…

One week later …

"Commander Smoker what do we do Sir? That's Whitebeard's ship!" said a panicked marine as many others were running around like chickens with their heads cut off in a panic at the fact the famous pirate ship was fast approaching their marine one.

"Just clam down and stand your ground!" commanded Smoker.

Just then Whitebeard's voice boomed over the ocean, "Smoker where are you sick perverted bastard! You're going pay for deflowering my son Ace!"

Everyone on the marine ship deadpanned.

Tashigi was the first out of this time and she shook her head. "Sir can't you just keep it in your pants for once?"

Hina then slipped up to Smoker's other side, "Hina knew there was something going on with you two!" she then leaned in to whisper, "Hina wants to know, did you take pictures?"

Smoker slapped a hand to his face, and then let his head hang as he shook it, "Why? ... Why me?"


	12. Jar of Dirt err Sand!

**Title:** Jar of Dirt ...err Sand!

**Victim/s:** Doflamingo & Crocodile

* * *

Sanji blew out a puff of smoke from his cigarette and stared at the calendar in the kitchen. _The package should be there by now_, he thought to himself and a slow grin came to his lips.

"Well then!" Sanji smiled and skipped his way happily over to the Den Den Mushi.

…

Having finished breakfast not long ago Doflamingo had come out to the deck of his ship to get a little sun and was just sitting down when the Den Den Mushi by the chair went off. Sighing he picked it up and answered, "Hello?"

"Hello this is the Deputy Director of Customs of 4 Blues International is this Don Quixote Doflamingo?"

Laying back in a lawn chair he rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. This was already a bore. "Yeah that's me."

"Sir it's very good we got a hold of you! It seems there was bit of trouble and some packages got opened then mixed awhile back ago. Fear not though we caught the miscreants behind it! However we are still trying to undo their work."

"Yeah, yeah what do you need from me?" Doflamingo asked wanting this call to just get over with having now seen the time. His soap operas would be coming on soon! A warlord of the sea had his priorities after all.

"Well we have found all the missing packages but one and you're the last on our list. By chance did you get a jar of dirt in the mail?...err I'm sorry sand…a jar of sand?"

Doflamingo flipped up his sunglasses on his head. "Yeah…" he remembered the odd package that came in the mail for him about a week ago.

"Ah we most dearly need that package! It seems there was an accident while transferring Sir Crocodile to Impel Down."

A brow raised in question and he butted in to ask, "What kind of accident?"

"Well the report here says Sir Crocodile attacked a guard throwing a punch and swords then came into play and …" sounds of pages rustling "…oh my wow…well due to the sea stone cuffs the huh ... part of him seemed to have got cut off and then reverted to sand. They then put it in a jar to mail due to some trouble with the guards. They had planed at the prison to reattach it there but it seems all this time due to the mail mix up that has not been possible"

Doflamingo frowned, how dare they do such a thing to his Crocie! "You're telling me I have a jar of sand that's really Crocie's … I mean Crocodile's arm?" Rage boiled with in him.

"Huh well not exactly …"

"Huh?" confusion now took over pausing his rage.

"Think lower."

"A foot?" Doflamingo asked.

"Higher…"

"…." Doflamingo paled as realization hit. He drop the Den Den Mushi at once yelling out at his crew to change course as he then ran to get his jar of dirt…err sand!

…

One week later…

Crocodile was in his cell serving his sentence within Level 6 of Impel Down like normal. He really didn't see what the big deal was about this place, sure it was dull but this was not torture at all. Clearly the fools were just underestimating him.

Suddenly a loud crash was heard as Doflamingo came running down the hall with a jar of sand under arm screaming out, "Crocie I'm here have no fear! I shale help you with your penis trouble!"

Crocodile's eyes bugged out of his head at the sight and what he was hearing. He turned the other direction and yelled as loud as he could, "GUARD!" He grabbed the sea stone bars with one hand and hook pleading yet again more desperate this time, "GUARD!"

"Have nightmares no more my Sandman! I shale make your dreams come true!" Doflamingo promised with hearts in his eyes.

Crocodile sobbed, his energy weakening due to holding the sea stone bars and he slipped to his knees. It just was not fair! This was beyond cruel! "GUARD! Come on! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I won't do it again!" he cling to the bars tighter as his flamboyant stalker got closer. This prison truly was HELL!

* * *

**A/N's:** So huh yeah… I seem to have a thing for man meat in jars o.o;

xD Still taking requests. Have yet to see your fav character get victimize? Toss out a suggestion and I MIGHT act on it! ^.~


	13. Guilt

**Title:** Guilt

**Victim/s:** Tashigi & Zoro

**A/N's:** Ahhh don't kill me! I'm not purposely skipping the other two requests honest! I will do my best to try doing them! It's just I have been sitting here for an hour now trying to write the next chapter for "You're Mine" but my muse seems to be out for a really long smoke break …but when I got the request for a prank with Zoro … I don't know, I just got smacked hard with an idea. So wanting to at lest write something tonight I did this.

I hope you like it JoaniHagauri-Chwaaan! *noodle dances*

Also sorry it kinda turned out to be a Oneshot this time ^.^;

* * *

Sanji's chest swelled with pride as he stood back to admire his master piece, a triple-decker raspberry chocolate cake. It sat on a white platter making the dark cream chocolate stand out in contrast to the bright white of the platter's color and helped make the fresh dark red raspberries stand out too that were garnished selectively around the sweet treat. To add to the simplistic beauty, a mint leaf and thee more raspberries sat dead center on top of the cake.

Picking up the platter he now moved to the kitchen door ready to reap the rewards for all his hard work and surprise his lovely ladies! His heart fluttered within his chest. He could almost hear their praises already!

WACK!

The kitchen door slammed open and right into Sanji's face as he had been reaching for the doorknob. The force of it knocked Sanji back and flat on his ass while leaving his face bright red and nose bleeding.

Zoro stood in the doorway. He had come to the kitchen for a bottle of sake to help with his bad mood that Nami had put him in, yet that mood came to a halt at seeing the cook on the floor.

The blonde glared up the swordsman. "Shitty bastard! What's wrong with you coming in a room like that!" yelled out the cook.

"Tch serves you right baka-cook for standing behind doors." Zoro was about to step in but stopped as he noticed his insult was being ignored and Zoro took in the new look on the cook's face.

Sanji had suddenly realized the platter was no longer in his hand. Franticly for a moment he looked around for it before his blue eyes landed on it. His face fell in a look of heartbreak.

The cake he had spent hours on now lay on the kitchen floor in a streak of a mess smashed all to hell and the white platter in many pieces spread though out the chocolate mess. He could not sever anyone food with broken glass in it. All his work for nothing…and worst of all ….the food was now a waste.

Zoro's eyes traveled in line to where the cook was looking and his eyes then widen at the sight of the mess…the mess he had caused.

"Get out." came the quiet voice of the cook.

"Oi cook I…" Zoro tried.

"OUT!" yelled Sanji.

Zoro frowned and left slamming the kitchen door closed with him.

Sanji then stayed sitting there on the floor and lit up a cigarette.

Once he was done with his smoke and calm enough he got up and cleaned up the mess, though having to thrown away food was setting off his anger again. The shitty swordsman had gone to far this time! Eying the Den Den Mushi he let his temper get the better of him.

…

Tashigi was sitting at her desk in her shared office space of the marine ship she was on, and was going over some paper work at the moment.

Smoker then came into the room and lay down a stack of papers on her desk, "When you get time check these over too." he informed giving no more information about them then that.

"Right away sir!" She promptly answered back willing to do good job on whatever the task was.

Then the Den Den Mushi went off.

Smoker froze his eyes going wide looking at the thing as it called out again to be answered. A cold sweat broke out on the man's face as he then suddenly blotted out of the room yelling back to Tashigi, "I'm not here!"

Tashigi frowned but answered the Den Den Mushi. "Hello."

"Greetings darling I'm calling for the sweet flower Ensign Tashigi!" came a very overly happy voice.

Tashigi blinked. "Erm…I'm she."

"Ah fabulous, just fabulous! I'm Bret from Bret's Wedding Planning Services and I'm just calling to confirm if I have your right measurements for the dress Roronoa Zoro reserved for his sweet bride to be!"

Tashigi whole face went to a bright beat of red as she stuttered, "W-wha? Roronoa did huh? Bride!"

There was a pause. "Oh dear don't tell me he has not asked yet. Oh darn this must be one of those surprise weddings, right at the moment kind of thing… oh they are so very romantic but I guess I just ruined that all."

Tashigi stared at the Den Den Mushi.

After a bit of silence … "Miss are you still there?"

"Y-yes." Tashigi was still trying to wrap her mind around this all and what it could mean. Zoro was a very powerful man though and if she did become his wife then she could make him ….

"Yes, yes I'm here! And I have a few questions!" she smiled in victory. She would catch Roronoa Zoro this time for sure!

…

One week later

Sanji just had finished up the dishes from dinner and was now wiping off the counter tops. Even though the crew was docked at an island everyone tonight, well everyone but the shitty swordsman, had chosen to eat dinner on the ship. It had set Sanji's own plans for the night back a bit but he would never turn away hungry mouths.

The kitchen door then opened and Zoro walked in with a pink small square box that was a bit bigger then his hand.

"Ah Marimo! Just the pack mule I needed!" the cook spoke up flashing a bright smile and tossed down his rag to pull a piece of paper from his coat pocket.

Zoro's eyes widened in surprise as that had been the most words the shitty cook had said to him in a week's time now, ever since … well since Zoro had ruined his cake. "Oh?" was his simple reply however.

Sanji held out a piece of paper to Zoro. "Here is a map so you won't get lost. I need you to pick up some crates of meat that were special ordered and get there with in the hour before the place closes."

Zoro took the paper with his free hand and looked at it, "Err sure cook." He submitted just like that to the request, then put the paper in his pocket and held out the box he held in his other hand to the blonde. "Here." he then said as his cheeks slightly tinting and he looked away.

The cook was a bit shocked at how easy that had been to set the last piece for his master plan into motion on how to get the swordsman back, yet even more surprised at the box he was being presented with. Suspicion then pulled him to this senses and he didn't reach out of it just yet.

"What is it?" questioned the cook cautiously.

Zoro frowned and mumbled something.

"What was that Marimo?" Sanji then asked frowning now.

"A TART!" the swordsman then yelled out.

The cook just looked at Zoro as if he were crazy.

The swordsman peeked a glace at Sanji then looked away again as he explained, "It's not your cooking, but its sups to be the best on the island here. It's to pay you back for the cake." then trusted the box into cook making him take it only then to quickly hurry in retreat out of the kitchen in high embarrassment.

Sanji just blinked as he now held the box while watching Zoro leave. After a few moments the cook sat down on a stool at the counter island and opened the box. Eyeing over the tart he tried a bite and found it rather quite good. He frowned and chewed on the food as well as his thoughts. As the sweet treat hit his stomach, guilt started to flood over him.

The shitty swordsman had been missing since morning, no doubt being lost looking all over for the place that sold this tart. All just so…Sanji frowned more.

…

Two hours later …

"Thanks." Zoro said to the little old woman that had helped him find his way with the map to the place he was sups to be at. He then stared up at the building and frowned. Why in the hell would there be crates of meat here?

Shrugging he went on into the church and blinked in utter surprise at what he saw.

Tashigi stood in a white long wedding dress at the alter in the church with a priest, both looking rather bored, but when the woman saw Zoro enter Tashigi glared at him.

Pointing a finger at Zoro she yelled out, "Roronoa Zoro you have some nerve! I have been waiting here for an hour now! BUT as you can see I'm accepting your request and will be your bride."

Zoro deadpanned.

"Yet there are certain changes you will need to make with in your life for me to be a part of it! First you will need to stop being a pirate! Next you must join the marines and as well treat your swords with more care and not drink so much and …hey get back here!"

In mid of the woman's speech Zoro turned and ran for all he was worth out of the church.

Zoro kept running and looked over his shoulder to see now Tashigi chasing him.

"Stop right now Roronoa Zoro!" She yelled.

"Like hell I would!" cried out the man in panic.

The chase seemed to last forever and soon enough the swordsman was utterly lost and no closer to shaking Tashigi from his trail. He looked back over his shoulder again as he turned down another street and looked back around just in time to keep himself from running into a wall…a dead end!

Tashigi stood now at the mouth of the ally, her hands on her hips. "You're not getting away this time! It's time you turned over a new life or turn over your swords!"

Zoro pressed his back tightly to the wall his eyes wide in panic as he stared in horror as the woman got closer to him, then suddenly he was jerked up and over the wall and pulled along into a run.

Dumbfounded Zoro stared at the back of Sanji as the blonde held his arm leading him in a run across roof tops. To be saved by all people, it had to be this bastard! Crap he was never going to live this down now.

Once the pair was a good distance away from where Tashigi had cornered the swordsman the two men dropped down onto a street and started to head back to the ship in silence with Sanji leading the way.

After a bit of time Zoro grudgingly uttered out the word he just knew the cook was dying to hear. "Thanks…" and added, "Damn woman has really lost her mind this time."

Sanji lit up a cigarette and frowned, "Huh sure…" he said rather uneasy like.

Putting his hands behind his head Zoro looked up at the stars shinning down and smirked, "Guess this means I owe you one."

Sanji pouted and looked away from the swordsman, "Huh lets just call it even."

"Ah that reminds me I didn't get those crates of meat." Zoro then said, rather in relief the cook didn't seem to be planning to make a big deal about this.

"Don't worry about it. I will take care of it tomorrow." Sanji puffed away at his cigarette as more guilt burned with in him.

Zoro blinked and let his hands drop down as he looked over at the cook and smiled, "Heh, I should buy you sweets more often if it makes you this nice."

Sanji turned fully beat red, "Oi! Don't say shit like that all of sudden!"

Zoro just laughed as they walked on side by side along the road.

* * *

**A/N's:** A bit different from my norm prank calls but I hope you all enjoyed it anyways ^.^;

Also keep in mind I might not update so fast as I'm trying to finish "You're Mine" Yet I can't help myself when muse hits me so who knows how fast the next one will be up! And YES! I will get to those other requests … it just might be a bit ^.^;


	14. One Monkey for Three

**Title:** One Monkey for Three

**Victim/s:** Akainu & Dragon (and Garp and Luffy too!)

**A/N's: **Needed a little break from writing serious stuff so here I go with this way off the wall one ... I'm so sorry for this one lol xD

Here is some Akainu as requested

By: EBIL DUSTBUNNY OF DOOOOM

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

In the kitchen Sanji bit on the butt of his cigarette and scratched his head while he looking in the jar of jelly beans he had placed out yesterday. This was really odd; no one had touched them yet.

With one practical joke a fail Sanji, to lift his sprits, pulled out his little black book, and let his fingers do the walking over the Den Den Mushi numbers.

…

Many miles away on a government ship Akainu was sitting at his desk in his privet office plotting to ruin people's lives. "Humm vote yes on proposition 57 The Return of Barney the Dinosaur … to sex Puppet Theater. Well that should for sure make little kids cry, and make for more perverts to find in the theaters wacking off that I can arrest, or burn to ashes and blame it on a hay fever again." nodding he checks yes to make sure he votes for that this coming election.

Just then Akainu's Den Den Mushi went off. Putting his stuff to the side he slid the Den Den Mushi over to him and answered, "Hello this is Admiral Akainu."

"Hello there darling this is Pete Pat from the Revolutionary Collection Funding and I'm just calling to remind you about the Celebrity Date Auction you won last month."

Akainu blinked, "What the hell? I'm a marine!"

"Oh honey I don't question you boys anymore. I just need to know if you're free next week for your date with Monkey D. Dragon?"

"The infamous Revolutionary leader, who has been attempting to overthrow the World Government?"

"The one in the same sweetie."

"Don't call me sweetie."

"Sure thing sweetie now are you free, or not, or do we need to bump the date back another month. I will have you know Dragon is a very busy man."

Growling at the name again Akainu thought about this. If he did it, then he would have a chance at catching Dragon! "Alright then yes, next week is fine!"

"Wonderful then we will just need the payment for 800,000 beli."

"What! That much!"

"Well sir you were the one that bid that much."

"This is fucking insanity I didn't even ... grr …." grumbled the Admiral was then made to give his bank account information. Little did he know he was really sending all that money to a Feed the Hungry Children of the World Charity, but he would find that out next month when his bank statement came in. The admiral then got directions to a Sea King nest in a calm belt that he as well would not figure out till too late.

…

One week later…

Nami was seated at the kitchen table reading a newspaper, as Luffy shoved food in his mouth that Nami had given him claiming to be full, while the cook was busy working on rinsing out the pans from that mornings use so nothing stuck to them, and became hard as hell to get off.

"Wow what a scandal! Hey Luffy look it's about your dad and Admiral Akainu."

Luffy blinked and looked over at Nami while still shoveling food into his mouth not even looking now what he was putting in.

Figuring the rubber man was listen she went on to read out loud. "It's reported due to a tap put on Admiral Akainu's Den Den Mushi, for reasons un-clarified, Admiral Akainu is now wanted for questioning on the whereabouts on the infamous Monkey D. Dragon, as well as charges for funding the Revolution and is possibly in a secret forbidden romance the Revolutionary leader Dragon himself!"

Luffy's mouth fell open and food dripped out as he stared at Nami in a deadpan state. After a moment he shook his head, "This is why I don't read the newspapers!"

Sanji snickered and wondered how the rest of the family was taking the news.

…

Many miles on a government ship …

Garp had sat down to breakfast and was reading through the newspaper and had just came to the article about his son. Spiting out his coffee in shock he yelled out, "WHAT!" First Luffy with his sex changing wanting ways, and now his son dating this asshole and corrupting the marines while he is at it! Oh there was only so much an old man could take!

…

Many miles from there at the revolutionary hidden base camp…

Dragon was frozen in place holding a newspaper in his hands, eyes glued to the news article about him ….and Admiral Akainu! His right eye twitched. This would not go unpunished!

* * *

**A/N's:** Uh-oh, could this spell trouble later on down the line for our favorite cook? xD


	15. You're a Guy?

**Title:** You're a Guy?

**Victim/s:** Killer & Hawkins (guest staring Kidd & Law)

**A/N's:** And I think this makes me up to date with the requests cause sorry I wont be doing AU's and I need a little creative freedom when making the pranks, and the one requested about Luffy getting deflowered would be a repeat just with different chars like the Ace one I did. I'm sorry don't hate me! T.T

If I missed a request feel free to point it out or make another. Whatever Lol. I might get to it xD

Killer & Hawkins & Kidd requested

By: Poseida Lunar

Enjoy!

* * *

Zoro eyed the cook suspiciously. He was most definitely up to something, but what Zoro had no idea. Yet everyday this past two weeks that he had noticed the blonde had been racing to get the mail first before anyone else could even look at it, and now the cook looked extremely happy with today's mail. Zoro probably should go look into this, but maybe after a nap.

Racing into the kitchen the cook then locked the door, and laughed as he held the letter to his chest then tore it open to read. Oh this was just going to be fabulous! He had been working all month on this one!

After finishing, reading the letter and getting a good laugh from it too, he wasted not another moment. Sanji pulled out his little black book that had another letter in it much like the one he had got today. With his treasures he headed over to the Den Den Mushi to put the final steps into action. Everything was set up. All he had to do was get the two to the same hotel room for the night.

…

Killer sighed as he polished his scythes. The ship was docked at Sabaody Archipelago ... AGAIN! Stupid Trafalgar Law swaying his captain for weekend romps. His brooding was then put on hold as Den Den Mushi went off. Setting his scythes to the side he answered it.

"Hello?" asked Killer.

"Hello is this Mr. Killer?"

"It is." Short and sweet came the reply.

"Marvelous! This is Jo Joe from One Night Romance. You filled out our ad we mailed you two weeks ago."

Killer hunched down and looked all around him, "Just a moment!" Quickly he then snuck into the storage area locking the door from the inside so he could have some privacy. "Ok! Yes I did. Do I have any matches yet?"

About a month ago he had gotten some junk mail, about one night fling romance match ups, and had filled it out and sent it back. He was a lonely pirate, and a man had his needs after all. DON'T JUDGE HIM! There was only so much pleasure blades could offer. Not that he had tried anything with that kind of pleasure with blades … ok nothing he would admit to anyways.

"Oh yes we did get one match for you, but I'm afraid they can only get to Sabaody Archipelago sometime today or tomorrow."

"That's prefect! I'm here now!" Killer could not believe his luck!

"Oh my! Well isn't that lucky! What on earth would be the odds of some such thing like that happening! Well alright then would you like to hear about the girl?"

"Oh yeah!" Finally Killer was gunna get him a little some action of his own! Not that he would want any kind of action his captain was getting. No sir that was an exit only zone for him!

"Well she has long blonde hair and blue eyes, and I should warn you now she is a bit sensitive on her flat chest."

"Oh that's fine just as long as there is no strings attached I don't think I care how flat she is. When can I meet her?" Killer asked impatiently, and a time was set up for later that night.

…

After getting off the Den Den Mushi with Killer Sanji made one more call, and then burned the letter he got today, and the one he had gotten two weeks ago. Oh if only he could see their faces!

Stupid Supernovas not having him on the list! They were not so great to be out smarted so easily by him …well maybe Bonney-chwan! Oh how he would love to cook for her! And other things!

…

Later that night at The Popping Bubble Inn on Sabaody Archipelago (in the gay red light distracted)…

"So I said to shop keeper … you can't mix fake fur with the real thing it's just stupid … so then I killed him cause he looked at me weird." said Kidd to Law as they walked down the hallway to their room.

Law nodded understandingly. "Did you end up getting the coat?" he then questioned.

"No it made my ass look fat when I got a look at the back view, plus I got the shop keepers blood all over it, and that's why I was in there in first place, to replace my other coat from so much blood on it." Kidd sighed.

Suddenly one of the room's doors busted out in many wood pieces as a naked Killer with a pillow to his crouch being held by one of his hands as the other held to one of his scythes. "You bastard you don't have tits at all!"

Hawkins came into view as he stood in the hole were the door use to be. "And you have a penis! The cards said I was sups to get sex tonight not anally raped!" yelled out the enraged Supernova.

Law and Kidd deadpanned at the sense before them.

"How was I sups to know you were a guy with your long blonde hair!" Killer yelled out all the flustered.

"WHAT! Look at who is talking! And with that mask how was I sups to tell? "shot back Hawkins.

"Killer what the hell are you doing?" Kidd asked using a hand to rub the side of his head.

The two blondes then bristled, and slowly looked over to Law and Kidd. Kidd looked extremely annoyed while Law after getting over the shock was looking rather amused.

"Huh … Well I erm there was this ad, and then this call today on the Den Den Mushi…" Killer tried to explain.

Law raised a brow and looked to Kidd. "A Den Den Mushi call huh?"

Kidd frowned. "This person has to be stopped!"

…

Sanji, at the kitchen table sighed peeling yet another potato that he was getting a big batch ready for breakfast for tomorrow. Now that his latest prank was over it left him feeling rather empty inside. Maybe he should make up another one, and put it in action for tomorrow. His mind wandered then as he went on with his work.


	16. Beat My Goat Butter

**Title:** Beat My Goat Butter

**Victim/s:** Sengoku & Charlos

**A/N's: **I know that no one requested these people but I just had to! This idea had been poking at me for some time now, so hopefully you all will enjoy, and not get upset I didn't do a request this time.

Also side note! I have made my very first forum! (Shamelessly self promotes!)

The Yaoi Supernova Authors Guild ~ Come hang with some of the best Yaoi / Shounen-ai writers around, that treat us to great stories dealing with characters of One Piece, and all your fav hot boy pairings.

I would loooove for you all to come check it out. Link is in my profile, all you got to do is hit the button at the top of my profile marked forums. That should take you right to it, but if you have any trouble finding it feel free to message me, and I will give ya a helping hand ^.^

I have hopes of getting some great writers to join like the amazing, crystalbluefox, School Escapee, vivaciousRingo, laydee-jiraya and that's just to name a few of you I known of, and enjoy reading your fics. Yet be you a writer, or not, I would still love for you to come hang out with us, and join in our wacky fun. ^.^

ONE MORE THING! *eyes reviews* I almost have 100! *gasp* Since such a amazing event of this magnitude has ever been done by the Lolly before, I think when I do reach the 100 mark I will have to give you all a reward! And I know something you all have been wanting is for Sanji to get pranked, so you all get me there and I will give it to ya!

Ok enough of my blabbering! Enjoy the story!

* * *

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

Sanji clenched his teeth to his cigarette butt, as he stared into the bowl he had been working with now for a few days. "Shitty goat butter." he muttered. It's not like disliked making it, it was just rather time consuming, and it tended to take up a bit of space from the hours upon hours it needed to sit out, plus he was being forced to make large quantities of it.

He had made it as a special treat one day, rather then just buying butter from the store, and stocking up on it, and his shitty captain had taken a real liking to it. Luffy had then begged him to make more, but Sanji had said no, then that bastard had gone crying to his darling Nami-swan, and … well Luffy had gotten Nami-swan to ask him to make more so naturally he had to. "Shitty captain … shitty people always getting their way." he grunted, and pushed the bowl back to join the other twenty blows like it.

Heavy of sigh the cook started on the next bowl that would soon clutter his beloved counter space. After some time, finding himself tried he sat down on one of the stools by the island counter, and eyed the Den Den Mushi as he mixed the ingredients together.

Well it would give him something to do while he beat the mix.

…

Sengoku sat his desk, and glared at Garp, who was eating rice crackers on his sofa in his office.

"Your reasoning is ridiculous, and Dragon can not be trusted, so the answer is no!" Sengoku now said in mid conversation with Garp.

Garp stood up crushing the package of rice crackers in his hand "Dragon would not lie, and there are reports all over about this Prank Caller Scoundrel!"

Sengoku eyed him, "Has he gotten you?"

Garp stiffened, and looked away, with is eyes, as a sweat broke out over his face, and he rubbed the back of his neck, "Nooo…" he answered having as much skill in lying as his grandson.

Sengoku snickered seeing clear through the lie. "It is just prank calls, it is not worth the time of the Government to join forces with pirates, and rebels over." he then claimed, and waving his hand at the man for him to leave.

Garp narrowed his eyes, but left after some more dirty looks to the man.

Sengoku laughed shaking his head as the door closed to his office. "Dumbass … how foolish do you have to be to fall for a prank call?" he asked aloud, and his Den Den Mushi then went off.

Answering, still rather in good mood, he questioned, "Yes?"

The snail made a sniffle sound as if the person had a cold or something, "What are you doing?"

Sengoku blinked at Den Den Mushi, "Excuse me?"

"What are you doing? … I'm bored." came a dull sounding reply.

"Who is this!" demanded Sengoku.

"Saint Charlos. How stupid are you to not know that!"

The Fleet Admiral gasped, "World Nobel Saint Charlos?"

"Yes, and I'm starting to not like you very much. Father said you were fun, but you don't seem very fun to me."

"Oh no, no I apologize! I didn't know it was you, I promise I'm very fun … huh ... I mean ... huh." his mind going blank, not sure how to fix this.

"Good you can make it up to me … go outside, and tell me if any marines are training."

At once the Fleet Admiral did as he was told, going out onto his balcony from his office. "Yes, yes there is, I can see them all well from my balcony. They are all doing there best I assure you." he said having taken the Den Den Mushi with him.

"Good ... take off your clothing."

"Whaaa?"

"Oh are you not being fun again?"

"No, no I'm doing it!" and quickly he removed his clothing till he was nude. He was not the kind of made to question orders from above, and always did as he was told, but he was really starting to regret his choice in employment at the moment.

"Good now stand on the balcony rail, and thrust your hips forward, and back while yelling out 'I like to fuck goats'."

" … " Sengoku stared at the Den Den Mushi.

"I don't hear you yelling."

Quickly Sengoku climbed up onto the railing, and started to weekly thrust his hips, blushing beat red only then to yell out, "I LIKE TO FUCK GOATS!"

"That's good, now say you fuck them up the ass, and moan out after."

Cringing and nearly weeping at this mess he was in with one of the worlds nobles he did as told again. "I FUCK GOATS UP THE ASS!" and then moaned sickly soundly out.

"That's it! Now ask for someone to beat your goat butter."

What the fuck was with these nobles? "I NEED SOMEONE TO BEAT MY GOAT BUTTER!"

Much laughter was heard now from down below. At first the other marines training had been shocked, but as the Feet Admiral kept going on, they could not help bust into uncontrollable laughter. Sengoku had to have lost his fucking mind, many thought as pictures were now being taken.

"Now go out, and find a naughty nurse outfit, and dress up in it, and make sure you use red lipstick, I like red ... then come over. I shale expect you here by no latter then ten tonight." Click.

Sengoku whimpered as he looked horrified at the Den Den Mushi, and the new order he was now faced with after the call ended. His trance then broke as more camera flashes went off below. Quickly he jumped back pulling on his pants as he yelled over the railing, "I want all of those cameras confiscated, and brought to my office right now!" he roared out, still trying to get dressed as quickly as he could, as well as trying to patch together his broken dignity. Fuck … it was only going to get broken again though. Where the hell was he going to get a naughty nurse outfit?

…

One week later …

"More butter for your pancakes Nami-swan?" Sanji cooed to the navigator, as he offered a dish of fresh goat butter to her.

Everyone was gathered around the table enjoying breakfast this morning.

The red haired waved the cook away, as her other hand still held the newspaper she was reading, being rather very interested in something. "Not now Sanji-kun." she murmured.

"Something seems to have caught your eye in the news Navigator-san. Is it about some awful bloody massacre of hundreds, with their rotting beheaded bodies strung up every where?" questioned Robin.

Usopp stopped eating, and looked to the raven haired woman, and turned a little green. Luffy reached over and swiped a pancake from his plate.

"Huh … uh no Robin." Nami gave an odd look to Robin, and then shook her head to clear it from that thought. "Listen to this everyone! The world government has just put a bounty out on the newest menace, who has been causing havoc world wide, and causing a threat to world wide peace."

Franky scoffed, "Right cause we are so close to world peace now."

Nami ignored Franky and went on, "There is not much known about the felon, other then he is a mastermind of chaos, and is skilled in voice altering, and very persuasive, leading one to think he is who he claims to be. They have named him the Prank Caller Scoundrel, and posted a whole 100,000,000,000 Beli reward for the capture of him!"

"SUGOI!" cried out the little doctor with stars in his eyes. "The man must be so very amazing!"

"That is rather a large sum for someone who just makes prank calls." Brook pointed out.

Sanji was standing there in shock, frozen at the thought of the bounty. Shaking out of it, he then rushed behind his Nami-swan, and looked over her shoulder, and a huge grin came to his face. The cook saw there in the newspaper a large silhouette in black of the shape of a Den Den Mushi with a big white question mark on it, and under was the bounty price of 100,000,000,000 Beli. His heart swelled with pride. This almost…ALMOST made up for that awful drawing of his other bounty.

"Oi what are you so happy about shit-cook?" Zoro asked with a frown.

Sanji blinked, and looked up to the swordsman, "Eh ... ohh nothing." He stood up, and walked casually over to the counter, only to turn around to see the swordsman still was watching him. "Eat your food Marimo." he then said calmly.

Zoro eyed the cook suspiciously still. Something seemed fishy about all this.

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

* * *

**A/N's:** Oh dear people seem to very much want to catch our love cook now!


	17. 3 Way Calling

**Title:** 3 - Way Calling

**Victim/s:** Moria & Kuma

**A/N's:** Hey all! Got a bit of a long one again this time. Hehe. I hope everyone does not mind the bit of plot being thrown in these drabbles. xD

Also make sure to check out my below Author Notes as there will be info on a fun event I'm doing where you can win a little shitty prize of sorts.

Oh yeah extra warning, remember at the start of this I said

"… _and anything that could ever possible offend you will be here most likely_!"

Yeah just keep that in mind when reading this one. ^.^;

_Moria & Kuma requested,_

_By: __School Escapee_

_Enjoy!_

_

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_

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

The kitchen was rather packed this afternoon as Usopp and Franky were showing off there latest handiwork.

"Sugoi you guys are amazing!" cried the little doctor with stars in his eyes.

"Eh … I don't get it." frowned Luffy cocking his head so far to the right side it was almost upside down.

Nami smacked Luffy in the back of the head, "How can you not understand that!"

"It's simple Strawhat…" Franky tried yet again to explain. "This little device, me and Long Nose built, will allow the Den Den Mushi to have two incoming calls at the same time come through, and be taken."

Luffy then nodded and hit a fist to the palm of his other hand. "Yosh I get it now."

"Finally." said Nami rolling her eyes.

"It's a mysterious Den Den Mushi now." Luffy conclude making every deadpan at his stupidity.

As every on shook out it, Brook then questioned, "But why do we need this?"

"Oh that's very simple. When we split up into groups, and go places we can all still talk to each other. Like say if someone needs help they can call two people at once, and then everyone can come rushing to save me ... I mean the person that needs help." Usopp laughed nervously.

"I think it's very clever Long Nose-kun." praised Robin before taking a sip from her coffee cup.

Nami had been about to say something, but paused thinking over what Robin said, then shrugged. "I guess it could come in handy." she then said.

"Yohohoho, just think of the jokes alone it could also provide, if a person didn't know they were on the line with another person." Brook then laughed out.

Sanji had been ignoring it all till then, and now stopped appealing the apple he had in his hand as he looked at Brook. The skeleton had a point. A slow grin came to the cook's face.

"Gaw! Don't even say that Brook! With that Prank Caller Scoundrel guy out there the marines would surly take in anyone that was caught making a prank call." paled the sniper, but then suddenly stood up straight as a hand went to rub at his chin and he smiled, "Of course naturally they would think it was me too, when they came here, for who else would have such cunning skills at such a feat."

"I have to agree with Usopp …. About the prank call part anyways." Nami made clear. "It would be a lot of unwanted attention for us. Everyone is after that guy!"

"We are already at war against the world government, besides relax Girlie no one would be able to trace the calls with this scrambler here." Franky smiled.

"Whaaa that Prank Caller guy is so cool! I wish we knew who he was, I never even heard of someone having that much of bounty before." Chopper went into fan boy mode wiggle side to side, with the stars in his eyes shinning all the brighter.

Nami's eyes flashed to beli signs. "Yeah I wish I could meet him to!"

Sanji dropped what was in his hands to the table, and jumped up to his feet twirling in noodle dance to the navigator. "Ah REALLY Nami-Swaaaan?" Sanji asked as hearts flew out of his one viable eye.

"Oh yes! Just think of it Sanji-kun. We could turn him in for the bounty!" she replied cheerfully.

Sanji fell to his knees at once, as darkness surrounded him due to his deep state of despair he had slipped into. With his head hung low he whimpered in grief.

"NO WAY NAMI!" yelled the captain a deep frown set on his face. "That guy is a hero, and you don't turn in heroes!" Luffy said angrily.

Sanji raised his head bit looking to Luffy smiling weakly. The captain really thought him a hero?

Nami laughed, and rubbed the back of her head, "Hehehe, I was only kidding." she said with an overly big smile, and a wave of her other hand.

Most everyone didn't buy Nami's act. Luffy on the other hand nodded, "Good! Cause I want to find him too! I'm going to ask him to join my crew, and be our new nakama!" Luffy declared.

Sanji had now picked himself off the floor happy once again that his darling Nami had not meant what she said, and even happier that Luffy would want him to join his crew, and not even know him.

"I think it would be a waste of time looking for him." Zoro then said. The swordsman having been hush all this time till now. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, his dark eyes having been locked on the cook this whole time.

Sanji looked over, and narrowed his eyes at the swordsman. "Eh, why is that Marimo?" challenged the cook, as he pulled out a cigarette to calm his nerves. There was no way Zoro could know, Sanji told him self.

A small smile curled to Zoro's lips, "Because he is an idiot."

The words made the blonde grit his teeth on his cigarette as he lit it up. "And what would you know shitty swordsman!"

"Yeah he is really smart and cool!" offered Luffy with his support.

Zoro now turned his eyes to his captain, "Are you forgetting he got you too… remember your grandpa chasing us around for a week straight trying to convince you not to get a sex change, or making Handcock think your gay ... not to mention that thing with your dad."

Luffy's eyes narrowed into slits. "Oh yeah…"

A smile came back Zoro's face and he looked back to Sanji rather cheeky like.

"Ok we find him, and I first kick his ass, then make him our new Nakama." Luffy declared.

Everyone deadpanned again. Sometimes you just could not win making your point to the captain.

…

Later that day when Sanji was sure everyone was busy with other things, the cook snuck up to the Den Den Mushi and let his fingers wiggle hanging over it. Oh this was going to be fun!

…

Moria on his huge ship like island, Thriller Bark, was at the moment clapping his hands, and kicking his legs up, giggling like a mad man as he sat back in his recliner chair, while watching his shadows play along the wall, like some sex shadow puppet comedy show.

The shadow master's Den Den Mushi went off then. Laughing he picked it up, "Hello?"

"Good evening sir, have you accepted Jesus Christ into your life?"

Moria's laughter stopped at once as a tick formed on the side of his head, "Oh not you people again! Why do you people always call at this time of night? Maybe some people are busy, and have better things to do with their time then getting calls with this crap!"

"Sir he died for our sins. Surly you're not begrudging our savor a moment of your time with all he had done for you."

"He has not done shit for me! What is with you people, always acting like you have all the answers!"

"Well fine then, Jesus doesn't love you anyways."

Moria's eyes bugged out of his head, "What did you just say?"

"You heard me asshole, he does not love you. That's why he made you so ugly."

"Oh where do you get off saying that to me!"

"I could not 'get off' any way with you, you would make my dick shrivel up if I were to look at you, you nasty sinner!"

"That's it! I want to talk to your supervisor right the fuck now!" Moria was dead set on getting this little fuck fired, and shunned by his precious little god cult now.

"Fine just one moment I will need to put you on hold."

"FINE!" and so the shadow user waited on hold.

…

Kuma was in his room at the government building, where Dr. Vegapunk had one of his offices at. The room was white, with flower pattern curtains, and many pictures of cats/kittens hung on the wall. The large man was currently sitting on his pink sofa that was littered with sofa pillows that matched the drapes.

"Now, now Mr. Whiskers that's Captain Fu Fu's dish you know better." said Kuma scolding one of the twenty cats in the room.

Once the cats settled down he picked up his little china tea cup, and with his pinky finger held out took a sip of tea only then to set it down, and pick up his bible. Just opening the book his Den Den Mushi went off.

Shutting the book and setting it back on the coffee table he answered the Den Den Mushi. "Good evening."

"Hello, have you given yourself over to Satan?"

"Excuse me?" Kuma asked externally offended.

"I'm calling this evening gathering people for my cult leader, and let me tell you Satan is not the evil person people have made him out to be."

"Yes he is! He is the Father of Lies, Man of Sin, Serpent of old, The Wicked One!" screeched Kuma, not believing his ears. What was wrong with this man!

"Hey, hey! Let's not name call here. Satan loves you, and you make his heart sad by not giving him your soul."

"My soul is for the one and only god! What is the matter with you people!" Kuma now questioned out loud. Miss Snowy Bottom was now nuzzling to his side trying to help clam him, but his nerves were all a wreck, and it was doing little good.

"Oh your one of …those people. Look you should know now that God is the real evil!"

"Oh that is it I want to talk to this cult leader of yours right now!" Kuma demanded. It was one thing to have your own beliefs, but to go this far to say to another this crap, it was just wrong!

"FINE! …. Please hold."

"I will!" Kuma assured.

A soft click was heard from the Den Den Mushi.

Kuma frowned wondering if he had been hung up on, "Hello?"

"Good, finally you're on the line. Now look I don't have a problem with you bible thumpers, but you, and your people have pushed me too far!" yelled Moria.

"I could say the same about your awful wickedness! What's wrong with you trying to sway people over to the dark side!" yelled Kuma right back.

"Hey! There is nothing wrong with the dark side of life!" huffed Moria.

"Yes there is, it's called evil for a reason!" Kuma hugged his bible now to his chest. What was wrong with this world today?

"Oh right because your god says so! Well maybe unbeautiful people have feelings too, and have been rejected by the light enough to know there is evilness in it too!" sniffled Moria

Kuma blinked, "Oh don't say that. God loves you just the way you are." he said sympathetically.

"AHHHH! Say that shit one more time, and I'll kick your ass, and your god's ass! I will strip you both of your shadows, and we will see how much you like your light then!" roared out Moria.

"Oh you're on bitch! I will paw push you back into hell where you belong!" Kuma said getting to his feet, and then paused as the words the man said to him really sunk in, "Moria?"

The shadow user as well paused at his name, and let what the other man said to him sink in, "Kuma?"

"HA! Caught you!" came a gloating unknown voice, and right after that the line clicked ended both calls.

…

Sanji after quickly slamming down the Den Den Mushi, whipped around to see Zoro standing in the doorway pointing a finger at him.

"I huh ... erm…" Sanji was a lose for words.

Zoro came into the kitchen shutting the door behind him with a big smile, "I knew it! Only something this stupid could have been started all by you ero-cook."

"Oi!" protested Sanji, his hands coming down to his sides in fists, as his shock of being caught quickly vanished being replaced by anger.

Seeing the cook's anger only made the swordsman's smile grow all the more. "You know what you have to do now right?"

Sanji's visible eyes widen remembering his times with Law and Ace.

"That's right shit cook… you have to make me those Rice Balls with the veggies and meat stuff inside them."

Sanji almost fell over from the request. "You want me to cook for you? And you won't tell anyone?" the blonde then questioned trying to wrap his mind around this.

"For starters sure ... Just think of yourself now as my slave now though." Zoro grinned crossing his arms over his board chest.

"Like hell I will be, you shitty moss-head!" cried out Sanji.

"That's, Your Royal Majesty to you now." Zoro pushed, just loving the shade of red the cook's face was turning.

"There is no way I'm calling you that or being your slave. Your little brain must have really turned to moss if you think you can do this to me!" growled out Sanji rising up a leg, getting ready to kick the shit out of the swordsman.

"Ok fine … Hey Luffy I know who the Prank Caller is!" Zoro yelled out with a hand cupped to the side of his mouth.

Sanji froze in mid position.

Luffy then came crashing into the kitchen, "What? Zoro really!"

Sanji quickly put his foot down, and gritted his teeth as the next words left his mouth. "No his ... royal pain in the ass does not!"

Zoro leaned in towards Sanji, "His what?"

Sanji bristled up like a cat, and then huffed out softly, "His Royal Majesty."

Smiling big Zoro stood back up straight, and looked to Luffy shrugging, "Sorry Luffy I guess I don't know after all."

Luffy frowned, "Don't fool people like that! It's not nice!" And the captain then stomped out of the kitchen leaving the two alone again.

Sanji glared at the swordsman. This was going to be a problem.

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

* * *

**A/N's: **

**Lolly:** Tee hee! Hope you all enjoyed that!

**Zoro:** I know I did!

**Sanji:** *mumbles*

**Lolly:** Erm … anyways as I said at the start of this, I have a little 'Event' going on in my forum, **The Yaoi Supernova Authors Guild! **The prizes are not that great but yeah it's something to do, and its kinda fun stuff! The first place prize being …

_**1st place prize!**_ - A dedication and Lolly promoting one your stories (of your pick if you have any) in Lolly's ever popular series "Sanji's Prank Calls" And to top it off a mini skit of Sanji prank calling you!

IF! You also happen to be a Supernova as well you get an added 100 Beli to your bounty.

**Sanji:** Ohhh I hope a lovely girl wins! *noodles dances and has hearts flow from his eye in thought of some random female*

**Lolly:** Erm Sanji-kun you would have to prank call her.

**Sanji:** Oh … but then after I could make it up to her Lolly-chwan!

**Lolly:** Erm… Of course Sanji-kun. ^.^;

**Zoro:** Oi! Shit cook where are my Rice Balls!

**Sanji:** Not now Moss-head, I'm talking to Lolly-chwan!

**Zoro:** I think someone has forgotten his place… maybe I should go talk to Luffy?

**Sanji:** *glares daggers at Zoro* I'm sorry Lolly-chwan I need to go make some rice balls for someone to chock on now.

**Lolly:** Heh… no problem Sanji-kun. ^.^;

**Zoro:** *grins*

**Lolly:** *waits till Sanji is out of sight and slips Zoro a maids outfit just Sanji's size* For next time … ne?

**Zoro:** *grin grows bigger* I think that can be arranged. *goes off to store the outfit away for next time*

**Lolly:** Well hope you all check out my forum, and try out in the Independence EVENT! You can get to my forum by going to my profile, and clicking on the link marked Forum at the top of my profile.

Also yay! Only 2 reviews away now from my first 100 reviews ever! Humm I wonder who will be the 100th person? Ah well I guess next prank call will also be Sanji-kun getting a little taste of justice … but who will the prank call be from? *gasp*

See you all next time! ^.~


	18. Maid Service

**Title:** Maid Service

**Victim/s:** Sanji & Zoro

**A/N's:** WOOT! 100 reviews and then some! And looks like ….

*throws confetti about* CommanderRatchet57 ! You are my 100th reviewer!

*pulls out Fanfic 100th reviewer award from cereal box and holds it to her chest* You like me! *cries sobbing tears* You all really, really like me! … I would like to think all the little peop- … *stops crappy award speech*

Ok, ok enough of all that …time for what you all came here to see! Sanji getting pranked! With the added bonus of Zoro! ^.^

* * *

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

"I fucking hate you…" said one pissed off blonde cook in a cold icy tone, around a lit cigarette hanging out of his dark red painted lips…yes Sanji was wearing lipstick, but that was not all he was wearing.

The blonde cook stood in his kitchen wearing a French maid outfit, the dress was sheer and black. The neckline outline in white silk was square shaped and low on his flat toned chest giving just hint glimpses of his powder pink nipples. The sleeves were short and just puffed up on his narrow shoulders, but they were not the only thing short. The dress only came down just a little past his rear, and the skirt of the dress was largely fanned out due to all the white ruffles under the black skirt. Around the cook's narrow waist was a matching tiny black and white apron that had thick white silk ribbons strings that wrapped around his slimming waistline, and tied in back, just above his ass, in a big bow that had its bow string ends hanging down past the poofed out skirt. It as well looked like his legs had been shaven, as calf high white stockings rode up his legs yet giving plenty of view to those muscled fair cream thighs, and cute knees. On his feet were three inch heeled black doll like shoes with a strap around each thin ankle, and on top of his blonde head was a black headband with white ruffles. The rest of his make-up was just some dark grey slivery eye-shadow, along with mascara, and black eye liner to give off that amazing smoky eye look.

However Sanji's one visible bright sea blue eye at the moment was narrowed in an anger glare at the swordsman that was sitting at the table, eating yet another rice ball.

"Hate me all you want, but you are wearing that the rest of the day, and if you don't behavior your self shit-cook then it will be all week got it?" Zoro commanded as he finished the rice ball in hand.

Sanji grumbled something.

"What was that?" questioned Zoro.

"Yes your Royal Majesty." sulked Sanji in repeat, and puffed out a cloud of smoke.

Zoro picked up his plate of rice balls, and bottle of sake, and headed out the kitchen door, but paused and looked back, "Oh by the way shit-cook… you look reaaalll pret-.." was all Zoro got out, as Sanji then through the stupid feather duster the outfit had came with at the swordsman's head. Zoro however just laughed as it bounced off his head. He just could not take the cook seriously when he was dressed like that. Zoro could hardly wait for tonight.

As the door closed leaving Sanji alone in the kitchen, he huffed and looked down at the outfit he was being made to wear for the day. This was just so unfair! If he had to wear this crap then someone else had to pa-…" Sanji's thought train of payback was put on pause as the Den Den Mushi went off.

Click …click …Sanji clenched his jaw, and the clink sound became faster as he quickened his pace now to the Den Den Mushi. "Fucking high heels" he muttered, and then answered the Den Den Mushi.

"What do you want!" Sanji growled.

"Hello is this Sanji of the Strawhat pirates?" questioned a male voice.

"Yeah it is…what do you want!"

"Good day sir this is Jeff Burtmen of Burtmen attorneys and my clients are suing you for mental stress, sexual harassment, and well to be honest sir the list is rather quite long the ladies gave me."

Sanji blinked and was in utter shock. "Ladies?" he was finally able to squeak out.

"Oh yes two even from your own crew, and the rest from various places. However they are willing to make a settlement with you, if you are truly sorry for your misdeeds to them."

Two from his own crew? But the only females they had on the crew were ….oh god his Robin-chwan and … and his precious Nami-swan! Oh no! Was this what Robin was hinting at last week when she was doing that crossword puzzle, and asked him what another word for harassment was? They hated him! Oh this day could not get any worse. Sanji fell to his knees in a deep dark depression as he mumbled out incoherent words.

"Huh Mr. Blackleg? Are you not wishing to take the settlement?"

"Wait!" Sanji suddenly snapped out of it. "If I do this settlement stuff they will forgive me and love me again?"

"Oh yeah suuuure … but now listen, this is what you got to do…"

Sanji listened very closely and nodded his head to all that was told to him. The cook taking it all very seriously since this was for his darling ladies. There was nothing he would not do for them!

…

Later that night at dinner…

The whole crew sat at the table utterly speechless as Sanji stood before them in his French maid outfit with a huge smile on his face. "Now come on dig in everyone! I made the meal especially for all of you sexy big strong men. So eat lots and get even bigger and stronger for your love cook nya!" And with that he gave a wink and a kiss blow to all the guys at the time.

"Did he just say nya?" Usopp questioned, and his right eye twitching as a kiss came blowing at him.

"Yeah … I think he did." replied Franky pulling up his shades to eye the food before him more closely, only then to look back to their so-called cook. He could not help but wonder if there was something in the food.

"Well I think you look very pretty cook-san" teased Robin.

"Of course I do! And don't you smile like that at me. I know you're just jealous of my beauty!" Sanji huffed and crossed his arms. Inside however he was raging within himself. How could he be so cold to Robin-chwan … then he had to remind himself that she wanted this, and it was for all the ladies.

"Ne Sanji-kun … are you ok?" Nami questioned looking rather worried now due to what he had just said to Robin.

"Oh no is Sanji sick?" Chopper then questioned as well.

"That would explain things I think. Maybe he is having flashbacks of that island?" offered Brook for once not at all laughing.

Zoro stared and felt a cold chill run up his back. FUCK! He had broken the shitty cook!

Luffy blinked "Sanji… you're wearing a dress."

Sanji twirled over to his captain, and plopped down a huge plateful of meat before the rubber man. "Oh do you like it Luffy-chwaaan?" he fluttered his long lashes, as he held his hands then clasped together to his chest.

Luffy's eyes lighted up. If Sanji in a dress meant he got he piles of meat, then he was all aboard for it! "Sure Sanji I love it!" and at once dug into the plate, making his mouth stretch over widely around the big cuts of meat, making one bites of them.

Sanji giggled, "Ohhh Luffy-chwaann you're so kind!"

He broke him … this was entirely his fault! Zoro just stared.

"Sanji I think maybe you should lay down … did you hit your head or something?" Chopper then again tried to make sense of Sanji.

The blonde noodle dances his way over to the little doctor, and placed down a few stick fluffy pink cotton candy for the doctor. "Oh Choppie you're so sweet to worry yourself over me, but please don't here have these, it will help make you sweeter."

And that was all it took to distract the doctor.

"Cook-bro I think you need to stop now … whatever joke this is, it's just not funny!" said Franky in a firm tone.

"I agree." said Brook, as the girls just looked at each other then back at Sanji again.

"Oh don't be so mean boys … or I wont show you the special treat I have in store for you … but maybe I should just give it to your now…" Sanji reached down and his cheeks blushed brightly as grabbed the edges of his dress skirt and the ruffles. He had to be strong, and remember this was for all the ladies. So they would not be mad and hate him anymore. He could do this. Just one quick flash then he could run to the bathroom and hide the rest of the night.

As Sanji's skirt slowly started to rise, the action was halted due to the next event happening, as it all seemed to play out as if in slow motion.

"TAKE IT OFF!" yelled Zoro as he leaped across the table.

Everyone turned their heads, and watched Zoro soar over the table, and onto the blonde cook.

"ACK!" cried Sanji falling back to the floor with Zoro on top of him trying to pull off his maid outfit.

"Take it off! Take it off right now!" ordered Zoro. He didn't think something like this would happen. He just wanted to piss the cook off, not forever lose the person who Sanji was!

"Ahh you pervy bastard get the hell off me!" yelled out Sanji no longer able to hold the act up anymore with Zoro now on top of him trying to do god knows what to him!

"Shut up and remove these clothes!" growled out Zoro. He would not be responsible for this!

Sanji struggled and wiggled out from under the swordsman only to fall face forward as Zoro pounced him again. The swordsman landing back on top of Sanji, pulling up the cook's skirt as Zoro's hips now pushed down the blonde's to help pin Sanji down to the floor while he kept trying to remove the evil cursed maid outfit.

"Zoro!" cried out Nami in shock.

"Not cool Swordsman!" glared Franky as he got up.

"Oh my god, Zoro is trying to rape Sanji!" cried out Chopper.

"Stop it Zoro! Don't you dare take that dress off him!" growled out Luffy in fear the meat would stop coming in huge platefuls, and Luffy together with Franky, and Brook, pulled the swordsman off the blonde.

"No, no you all don't understand!" cried out Zoro. "He has to take it off! I made him wear that becau-…" Zoro was then cut off.

Sanji pounced on top of Zoro clamping a hand down on the other man's mouth as they fell back to the floor again, and out of the other men's grasps. As Sanji lay on top of the man he whispered in Zoro's ear. "Don't you dare tell them after all this!" he hissed in whisper.

Zoro muffled out something franticly.

"Oh my god, Sanji is trying to rape Zoro!" cried out Usopp.

"What the fuck is wrong with you two!" demanded Nami getting to her feet.

Sanji looked up and laughed nervously. "Don't worry my sweet Nami-swan I shale uphold the settlement to the lawsuit, just as soon as I take care of this Marimo." he cooed to the woman as he got up, and jerked Zoro to his feet too.

The whole crew looked oddly to the pair as they stumbled out the kitchen door, Zoro still trying to get the maid outfit off the blonde, undoing the bow in back only to get his hands swatted by the cook.

"Knock it off you shitty swordsman I can do it myself." growled out Sanji as the door closed.

The crew still able to hear the two now stared at the closed door.

"Just get it off!" Zoro said again with annoyance.

"Dammit can't you wait till we get to the bunk room!" Sanji's voice coming faintly.

Then when the crew could not hear anything more of the two they all looked at each other, as they all wondered the same thing. Had Zoro and Sanji just went off to ….

…

Meanwhile in East Blue …

Zeff held a newspaper reading yet again the 3 page article on reports of the fast growing menace, The Prank Caller Scoundrel! Zeff let go of the paper with one hand to pull at this twin braided mustache till it popped out of his hand and sprung back up in place again, then he repeated this action a few more times as he let himself drift in deep thought.

"My how you have grown little eggplant." he then mused as he looked at the bounty yet again for the The Prank Caller Scoundrel, and pride swelled with in his chest, as a growing smile spread to his face. He then wondered if his little call to Sanji earlier today would be causing the desired results right about now.

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

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**A/N's:** Hehe hope that was worth the wait for you all of Sanji getting prank called, and with Zoro thrown in the mix …just cause hehe.

Again I just want to thank all you amazing reviewers who helped me get to 100 reviews! AND more! I hope I can keep on entertaining you all! Let's go for 200 reviews! That's only… *counts on her fingers for 15mins* … 72 more to go! Lol! xD!

_**Only 3 weeks now left for the contest in The Yaoi Supernova Authors Guild! Make sure you don't miss out your chance to get prank called by Sanji and check it out!**_

Also while checking stuff out you should try my "The Laws of Love" Vampires (aka supernovas) vs. Werewolves (aka CP9) and LawxSanji …so you know it's some crazy ass shit! There will be lots of drama, romance, sex, blood, and gore, and spooky stuff!

See you all next weekend for more crazy antics from Sanji!

^.~


	19. Did We?

**Title:** Did We?

**Victim/s:** Marco & Izou

**A/N's:** Got kind of a short "Prank Call" this week but hope you all still find it amusing. I have been working hard on my main project "The Laws of Love" The supernovas as Vampires against CP9 as werewolves. Parings of all flavors, but the main focus is LawxSanji! ^.^ Anyways I'm once again trying to get some more of these requests taken care of. They seemed to have piled up a lot! xD

Two Pirates from Whitbread's crew with results of awkwardness,

Requested By: overlygreen

Enjoy!

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...

Sanji stared at the door to the kitchen …well the pile of stuff he had placed in front of the door, as he had now barricade himself in the kitchen. Things of late had been rather … well awkward. Zoro now would not look at him, while the rest of the crew though, they had all kinds questions for him, and Chopper wanted to perform tests on him, and his darling sweet angels … they kept offering to let him barrow their make-up. It was just all too much for him to take.

Sighing the cook slumped down the counter and lit up another cigarette. He could not hide in here forever. Things yesterday had just, well ... there had just been a lot of misunderstands. The sounds that had come from the bunkroom were not what people had thought they were. It was just one man ripping a dress off another man. Nothing sexual about that, no sir! Yet everyone that had gathered outside of the boy's bunkroom swore up and down that ... ohh that gave him an idea!

Feeling he deserved himself a little pick me up, Sanji got to his feet, and skipped his way to Den Den Mushi. At lest he still had this he could count on for comfort!

…

Many miles away on the coast of some random island, the annual Whitebeard Pirates Family Reunion was in full swing, and a big beach party was taking place, everyone having a grand time.

The crew's Den Den Mushi then went off and it was a bit of time before someone picked it up.

"YELLOW!" shouted Ace into the Den Den Mushi laughing, only then to pause to chug down another gulp of liquor from the current bottle he had in his hand.

"Good day sir. I'm calling for a Mr. Izou?"

"Huh he is around here somewhere … is this important? We kinda have a family thing going on." Ace replied.

"Oh well I'm just calling about his ad in the newspaper, and it did say to reply as soon as possible."

"Oh. Alright. One sec." Ace then went in search, and after 12 or so minutes another voice came on the line.

"Hello? This is - …" said the kimono wearing cross-dresser, and was interrupted before he could say his name

"Ah wonderful! I'm calling about your ad! And I just must say, you sound great! I could maybe mail you a picture of myself if you like? To make sure I match up to your desire. I have many kimonos and I think the geisha style is just fab, so I don't at all mind dressing up for you darling!"

"Excuse me what?" Izou questioned, and with his free hand he gripped the kimono he was wearing.

"The ad silly! Oh and don't you worry we can act out any fantasy you have about that shipmate of yours. Though the drugging me really is not necessary, unless your wanting to try it as a practice test for someone hehe. However Mr. Marco, if we get this Izou guy thrown in the mix, things will cost extra. Him awake or not!"

Izou turned red under his geisha make-up and quickly slammed down the Den Den Mushi. He did not just hear that! As Ace came by, Izou swiped the bottle the fire user had in his hand, and Izou started to chug it as he walked off with this head tilted back still drinking. Enough liquor and anything could be forgotten.

_20mins later …_

The Den Den Mushi went off again, and this time was picked up Jozu.

"Yes?" asked Jozu in a gruff voice, as the party was going on still, strong as ever in the background.

"Hi can I speak with Marco please?"

"One moment." came the reply, and a few minutes later the man requested was on the line.

"This is -…" yet Marco, like Izou had been, was cut off.

"Hey so glad to get a hold of you, I'm calling in reply to your ad seeking body casters."

Marco frowned, "Body huh?"

"Body casters, you know that take molds of peoples bodies. Now while I have done castings of male genitals, they have been all of willing participants Mr. Izou, so I'm really not comfortable with your friend Marco being drugged, but if he is willing that's fine. I think I could have the dildo of the casting made in few days after that, depending how many copies you wanted. How many copies did you want?"

" …" Marco just stood there with his mouth hung open wide utterly shocked.

"Mr. Izou? … I'm sorry. Look maybe if I don't know he is drug, you know ... just all on the down low like?"

" …" A dildo made from the shape of his dick! Marco blinked many times.

"Hello?"

Marco hung up the Den Den Mushi very slowly, then as Ace was passing by, Marco swiped the bottle the fire user had in hand, and Marco walked off chugging it down, trying to drink himself into forgetting what he had just heard.

"Dammit! That's the second time someone's taken my booze!" Ace cursed, finding the robbing of his liquor ever so unjust.

_That next morning …_

Marco and Izou awoke on the beach, a bit too close for comfort to one another, and quickly went in the other dictions of each other, to go about their day, and enjoy the rest of the family get together.

The pair didn't see each other again till lunch that day, as they then found themselves both sitting at a table across from one another.

Izou fussed with his kimono, and then ran a hand down the front of it, smoothing out a wrinkle, as he kept his eyes to the task.

Marco scratched at the side of his cheek, and looked off to the side feeling ever so awkward.

Ace looked up from his piled high tenth plate of food, and then looked between the two before laughing out, "What is with you two? What, you two get so drunk last night you banged each other?" he joked, all in a good teasing manner.

Both men in question froze in their actions, and then started to slowly turn their heads to Ace, only to watch Ace's head fall into his plate of food, and start to snore. Marco and Izou then let their heads turn back to look at each other with wide eyes.

Izou gripping his kimono with one hand trying to recall the events of last night, but could not remember too much after that third bottle. Crap had he? With Marco? On the beach last night?

Marco's thoughts were much the same as Izou's, but Marco was also wondering if there was a casting of his dick out their somewhere, being made into a dildo right about now.

Both men wanted to ask questions of the other, but really didn't know how, and in the end they both just got up, and left the table, leaving Ace alone to snore in his chicken fried rice.

...

* * *

**A/N's:** Only two weeks left of my forum's (The Yaoi Supernova Authors Guild) contest, were you can win a mini skit of Sanji prank calling YOU! And more! Make sure you drop by and check it out! At the very lest you will discover it's a cool place to hang out, and we got a lot better authors there then me. ^.~

Also OMG! Thank you all for the amazing reviews!

*blushes like crazy with a big happy smile on her face as she wiggles side to side.*

Your praises won't make me happy you bastards!

*x*


	20. I'm NOT Gay!

**Title:** I'm NOT Gay! - with BONUS!

**Victim/s:** Jewelry Bonney & Ben Beckman(and a bit of Shanks)

**A/N's:** Woot! Getting another request done! Sorry I'm going out of order again. Lolly goes where the muse takes her, but! Have no fear I have all the requests written down here in my handy dandy note book, and I will get to them! In …time. ^.^;

Also GASP! Holy crap on toast! I'm 4 reviews away from my first 200 reviews on a story! That went by fast! xD Humm *taps her chin* I think I shale have to give you all another reward once I reach my 200 mark. See bottom author notes for what it is! ^.^

_Wanting to see another female prank called, suggesting Jewelry Bonney_

_Requested By: __whiterosetenshi_

_Enjoy!_

_

* * *

_

_**...**  
_

Franky and Usopp sat at the kitchen table. Usopp tinkering with some new thing Nami had roped him into making for her, free of charge yet again, while Franky was reading over the newspaper.

"Huh." grunted out Franky and adjusted his sunglasses that were resting on top of his head, while he was busy reading the newspaper.

Usopp looked up from in the middle of using a screw driver on the object he was working on, "What is it?" he then questioned to the blue haired man.

"Humm?" Franky looked over then realized he must have said something out loud. "Oh it's just the marines think they might have a lead on who that prank caller person is."

Sanji suddenly paused from what he had been doing at the island counter of decorating some cream puff pastries.

"Really?" Usopp was rather surprised, but would like to get his hands on the person too for prank calling Kaya, just maybe from a safe distance.

"Yes they think it must be an okama." Franky then replied.

Sanji fell to this knees a huge cloud of depression weighing heavy on his shoulders, as his nails bit into the wood floor boards, and he question in a soft whimper, "Why, why me?"

The two at the table oblivious to Sanji's pain went on talking. "They say since there have only been reports of men, he must favor them, plus due to all the rumor gay jokes he has been making it indicates, they are saying, that he is confused about his sexuality and most likely is a in the closet homo." Franky said.

Usopp nodded. He knew there had been one call, to one female, but this theory on the prank caller being confused about his sexual preference seemed to make sense.

Sanji whimpered as he stayed on his hands and knees on the floor. Those shitty marines! He loved the ladies! He was no shitty okama!

The kitchen door busted open then, and Luffy looked around with an excited happy face but as he saw Sanji his face dropped to a pout. "Awe Sanjiiii! When are you going to wear that maid outfit again?" questioned the captain. The rubber man still thinking Sanji in maid outfit equaled more meat for him.

Sanji bristled, and froze up, locked in a now burning rage of anger, as Franky and Usopp now turned to look over at what was going on.

"I liked you better in the maid outfit." pouted Luffy crossing his arms.

Sanji lifted his head, that now looked that of demon, all red and teeth showing as he yelled at the Strawhat captain, "#%$# %#$$!"

Usopp gathered up his stuff into his arms and made a run for it. "Run for your lives! Sanji-kun has flipped again!"

_One hour later …_

After beating the crap out of the 3 and kicking them out of his kitchen, Sanji sat at the table smoking a cigarette, seriously now thinking about all that was said. "I most certainly do not favor men! Maybe now and then for a bit of fun is alright b-but …I love the ladies! I do! ... I could make a prank call to one if I wanted … I did with Kaya …" he frowned then an idea hit him. "I just need to prove my manliness! And that most certainly will do!"

Grinning ear from ear, Sanji got up and skipped his way over to the Den Den Mushi.

…

_Elsewhere on the Grand Line … _

"You call this pizza? This is crap!" yelled out Bonney, and then kicked away the cook she had kidnapped from the last restaurant she had been at as he tried to take away the food she had called crap. "Idiot! I'm still eating that! Now go back in there and make me more! I need to have more!" she yelled kicking up both of her feet, and throwing a fit like a spoiled child.

It was then her first mate came up to her, "Captain you have a call."

"Eh? Well tell them to call back I'm eating!" Bonney grunted out, as she shoved more food in her mouth, from the food that was piled high on her dinning room table in front of her.

"Well Captain this is kind of an important call." said the first mate.

"More important then eating?" Bonney asked, looking at her first mate as if they were crazy.

"I would say so Captain. It's Ben Beckman calling on behalf of the Red Haired pirate Shakes himself!" urged the first mate.

Bonney took on a serious look at that, and used her forearm to wipe her mouth off, then wiped her hands on the tablecloth before holding out a hand and waving her fingers for her first mate to give her the Den Den Mushi.

Once it was in her hold she spoke into it, "Hello this Bonney."

"Ah Bonney-chw -…" coughs, "Bonney-chan it's a pleasure to hear your lovely voice. I'm Ben, and I'm Shanks first mate, as you know, and I was asked to call you because Shanks feels it would be better for the next King of the Pirates to be a female. Thus wants to help make you such."

Bonney blinked and a faint blush came to her cheeks. "Red Haired Shanks wants me?"

"Ohh yes he wants you real bad … so do I! You see I was the one that tossed your name to him. I have been watching you for some time now, and I think you got the hunger for it! What do you say? Me and Shanks both feed that hunger of yours?"

Stars sparkled in Bonney's eyes, as she just knew with great legends as these backing her she could for sure now become the next King of the Pirates! "Oh hell yeah!" she cheered.

"Mmm and you know with us both giving you what you need, you will be very filled. Stuffed even!"

"Ha! I have yet to reach my limit on being stuffed for ANYTHING!" she laughed out.

The little snail reacted the caller's facial reaction and spurted blood from its little nose. "Khyaaa!"

"Eh did I say something wrong?" she questioned.

"Not at all dear lady!" swooned the voice. "Please can you tell me what your favorite food dish is? When we meet I want the chance to have cooked something just for you that will tantalize your heavenly taste buds!"

"I didn't know you cooked." frowned Bonney.

"Huuuhh … I dabble!"

"Erm well ok then … huh I guess my favorite is pizza … pizza of all kinds with lots, and lots of tops, and heavy on the cheese." she licked her lips looking at the food before her.

"Oh, you do love to have everything don't you? Do you like a thick crust?"

"Only if there is something put in it, like extra cheese, but I love it when meat is also added inside." Bonney's fingers walked across the table and pulled a plate of noodles over to her self.

"Oh yeah, I could put some meat in there to fill up your crust."

With her bare hands she picked up some of the noodles from the plate and slurped them down rather nosily, not even carrying she was on the Den Den Mushi with someone, her manners seriously lacking.

"Ohh hey, it sounds like your eating something right now."

"Yeah some noodles or some crap." muttered Bonney as she stuffed more of them in her mouth. All of the food talk was making her hungry.

"Do you like to eat them one by one or just stuff a bunch in at once?"

"Huh well it would take to long one at a time ..." Bonney frowned, "Exactly how is Shanks going to help me become King of the Pirates?"

"Eh King of the Pirates? … Ohhh riiight … huh lets not worry about that right now. So huh what are you wearing?"

"I'm seeing someone." came Bonney's sonic reply, slowly now catching on something was not right here.

"That's fine I could see him too … wait no I didn't mean that cause I'm NOT gay! I just mean I could see him … I mean with you and do things … with you not him because I'm not gay! Having sex with another man now and then …that does not make you gay!"

"No that makes you flaming gay … look Beckman having Shanks backing would be great and all, but if you two are having relationship issues, I really…" she was then cut off.

"NO! No, no my dear lady! How could I ever think of a man when such a lovely lady as your self is on the line with me?" sobbed the voice.

"I don't know … but you were. You know it's ok to be gay." Bonney said, and stuffed a whole cupcake in her mouth, and smacked as she chewed.

"I'M NOT GAY!" The line then went dead.

Bonney blinked as she was hung up on, and sat the Den Den Mushi to the side, and started to eat more from her pile. She would call Shanks later, and to butter up to the man she could throw a surprise coming out party for him and his first mate, maybe a nice tasteful blurb in the newspaper too.

…

_One week later in a hotel conference room in South Blue … _

"Everyone calm down! ...we can't have fighting against ourselves if we plan to catch this fiend." said Dragon the level headed one of the large group of people.

Around the large table that took up most of the room sat some of the Whitebeard Pirates, Whitebeard himself with his nurses and, Marco, Izou, Ace, and Jozu.

There were also other pirates, Buggy, Kuro, Shanks, and Ben. Also some new made pirates, that use to be C9 agents, Lucci, Kaku, Jyabura, Kalifa. Then there was a hand full of the raising star supernovas, Killer, Hawkins, Kidd, Law and Bonney.

There were also some of the warlords as well! Doflamingo who was taking notes for his dear Crocie, since he was still in prison, then there was Moria, Kuma, Mihawk, and Hancock.

Yet there were also marines too! Sengoku, Tashigi, Smoker, Garp, Hina, Akainu, Coby, Helmeppo and there was even a slave here on behalf of the world noble Charlos.

All the way from Arabasta there was King Cobra his daughter Vivi and her new husband Koza. Then from Water 7 there was Mayor Iceburg and Paulie.

"Ok then lets start this first meeting of … The Prank Caller Scoundrel Must DIE Club." Dragon then said, once people started to calm down. "Let's go on the facts of what we know about him."

"He is an indecent pervert!" Paulie called out.

"And of course male!" added Handcock.

"Who has trouble admitting his sexuality!" cried out Coby.

"Who cooks!" Bonney added.

"And who seems to known us all." pointed out Vivi.

"So we all agree it has to be a renegade Okama?" Garp questioned.

Many nods and grunts and cries of yes were given.

"But do we have any suspects?" asked Smoker puffing out smoke from his two cigars.

Ace fidgeted, as everyone looked around the room at each other.

"Doesn't anyone have a guess on who it could be?" Garp then spoke out again.

"What about the Strawhat pirates? There have been reports of them getting pranked and none of them have shown up here!" Tashigi then pointed out.

Some of the crowd looked to Dragon, others Garp, and some Ace. Ace fidgeted more.

"You know something!" Mihawk accused to Ace pointing a finger at the fire user.

Ace frowned, "I do not!" he lied his hands balling in fists.

"I say we strip him and tie him to the table!" Doflamingo suggested.

"Like hell you will!" roared out Whitebeard.

"Hina is confused. How would that help?"

Ignoring the large fuming man surrounded by nurses, the pink feather coat wearing blonde answered, "Eh, it would help my sexual needs."

Shanks, Mihawk, Garp, and Dragon then had to hold Whitebeard back from attacking Doflamingo, as the blonde just laughed finding it all rather amusing.

"If you don't have anything worth offering why don't you just leave!" growled out Ben to Doflamingo.

"Oh-ho! But I do!" Doflamingo then put a jar of dirt ... err sand on the table top, and everyone drew silent.

"Dirt ... err sand?" Kuro said, then pushed up his glasses with the palm of his hand, and was then mirrored in action from across the table by Kalifa. Kuro blinked, and looked over the woman, then again adjusted his glasses, and she did it again, then added a push. Kuro copied the last two pushes with the palm of his hand, and then added a third move. The two of them went on like this for the next five minutes, everyone in the room rather in a trance watching them, till Buggy finally screamed out at them, "Knock that shit off!"

Returning back to the topic, "How is sand going to help?" Garp asked.

"You would be surprised by what one can find out from it." Doflamingo winked at Garp making the older man shutter for reasons unsaid. Doflamingo then added, "My clever Crocie has pin pointed were this sand came from! It just happens to be a very rare kind that only comes from one island!"

"Though it has been some time since then it's still a place to look, and a direction to go in nmaa." Iceburg said.

Sengoku spoke up, "So then we have a place now to start using these machines here from Vegapunk, and with the recording we got off the conversation with Akainu, it will be able to recognize and pick up on the same voice within 20 miles."

"Ok then we will all spread out around from that location, and move out in different directions from there, each taking different ground and sea to cover with one of the machines." Shanks said, sounding ever so serious.

"Once he is found he is brought back here! For a trail!" Smoker then spoke up. It was the law, and he just in truth, wanted to make sure he got his hits on the asshole!

"As long as I get to slice something off him I'm happy." Killer said.

"Alright then whoever finds him brings him back here, and we all come back for his trial, and then kill the bastard." Dragon said, and the room was full of agreement. "Meeting adjourned …" Dragon declared.

"Let's get the bastard!" howled out Jyabura.

As the others started getting maps of areas they would be covering, and the Vegapunk machines, Ace fidgeted again watching them all. This was bad … really bad … dammit why had Sanji just not stopped when he had caught him! That idiot! How was he going to protect the cook now?

**_..._**

* * *

**A/N's:** Whoo! That was a lot of characters at once. xD And I know I left out some from speaking roles, but the important ones (_Lolly's favs she left out_) will be getting it made up to them later. ^.^;

ANYWAYS! You all want to know what you get when Lolly gets 200 reviews right? Well here is the answer. Sanji getting caught by someone from "The Prank Caller Scoundrel Must DIE Club" But who? That is up to you all! That's right Lolly is giving you all the chance to pick who catches Sanji! Shout out in review who from the Club you want to catch Sanji. Whoever gets the most votes by next Sunday will be the one I go with. So don't forget to review and speak your mind. ^.^

ALSO! Only one week now left in the Independence EVENT contest, from my forum The Yaoi Supernova Authors Guild! Where you could win a chance at getting prank called by Sanji and more! Make sure you check it out, or at lest come by and hang with us! We have really drawn in some super amazing authors, artists, fans, and have fun weird games to play, and take part in crazy, sexy, yaoi chats! For sure stuff you just can't miss out on!

_Again I just want to thank you all, for all the reviews. You're all so kind to me. When I started this craziness, I never thought it would be liked this much. I hope I can keep making you all laugh for a long time with this series._

_^.^_


	21. BONUS FEATURE!

**Title:** BONUS FEATURE!

**Victim/s: **Smoker

**A/N's:** Haha no it's not the drabble in celebration of my 200th review, that will come later maybe around Monday or so! This is just a little something I did on my forum "The Yaoi Supernova Authors Guild" under our game Pass the Story Stick, and a friend told me that I should post here, so you all can thank him, and his little lurker bootie, who is to good to make an account.

_So this one is dedicated to _

_Kayd and __"__The Yaoi Supernova Authors Guild" _

_Wuv you bishes!_

_

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_

…

As things went on crazy like on the deck of the ship, inside the kitchen was a different matter. Sanji sighed sadly and leaned on the counter top as he looked to the oven.

Those bastards were still being loud and jumping around out there even after he … more or less nicely asked them to shut the hell up. Sanji lit up a cigarette, and the fresh nicotine helped calm his nerves some, as walked over to the door reaching for the handle, but paused. What was the point of yelling at them again? Sanji then just locked the door handle, and walked back over the counter island taking a seat on one of the bar stools.

It was like this every day. Craziness … loneliness … and nothing in-between to help him hold on. Well that was not true. There was one thing! Sanji reached over and pulled the Den Den Mushi over to him and made a call with a number he now knew by heart.

As Sanji waited for someone to pick up he flicked the ashes off his cigarette into a near by cup he had been using all day just for that purpose, and that was went the line picked up.

"Smoker here." came a gruff voice.

A smile came to Sanji's lips. "Nice to know you're taking calls again." he slyly said.

There was a pause from the other side of the line for a moment before Smoker questioned, "Who is this?"

"Who do you want it to be?" teased the cook in a sultry voice.

"It's you! You little shit when I find you I'm going to kick your ass!" Smoker promised, and was waving over some other marines to hook up the machines to trace the call.

Sanji puffed out a cloud of smoke. "Oh you and your sweet talk, but there is a favor I want you to do for me."

"Why the hell would I do anything for you!" demand Smoker and he jerked a cord away from a marine to hook it up to his Den Den Mushi, since the other man had not been doing it fast enough for his liking.

"Cause if you do I will stop harassing you." offered Sanji.

"It's not going to matter soon. We have people out looking for you. It's only a matter of time before we catch your Prank Calling ass!" Smoker said, and tapped the side of the machine he had just hooked up to his Den Den Mushi, wishing the blasted thing would work faster to get a reading on the location the guy was calling him from.

"You can try all you like but there is no way ... now listen. I want you to stop them from printing anymore nonsense about me being gay in the newspapers." Sanji stated very firmly.

Smoker deadpanned for a moment. This was why the guy was calling him? "Why does it matter if they say you're gay?" Smoker then asked, wondering if he could get some kind of clues from the man since the machine was coming up blank. The guy must have had a scrambler attached to his Den Den Mushi.

"Because I'm not! So I don't want lies being printed about me." Sanji frowned crushing the butt of his cigarette between his teeth.

Smoker heard the faint sound of the cigarette burning, and the puffs of smoke ever so often. So the guy was a smoker huh? "You know it's ok to be ..." Smoker was cut off there.

"Don't spew that crap to me! That's the biggest damn lie I ever herd, and trust me I have heard a lot of them." huffed the blonde and snuffed out his cigarette, only to lit up a new one.

"So? You going to let people control your life?" questioned Smoker. If he kept the guy talking maybe there was something else he could learn about him as well.

"Said the marine." mocked the cook.

"That is different."

"Oh-ho is it now?"

"Where are you?" Smoker asked growing tired of having some heart to heart with some man he never met before, and could careless about.

"In your bed, why don't you go check?" teased the cook not minding the topic switch. It was just nice to talk to someone.

"Thought you said you were not gay." Smoker could not help but jab.

Sanji let it roll off his shoulders however, as he breathed out another cloud of smoke. "You're the one who took it to that perverted level, not me Smoker. Though now and then for two men to have a little fun … that's not gay. That is just having fun."

"Where is the logic in that?" Smoker could not help but be dumbfounded.

"It's very simple if you think about it. Men just have an easier time getting along with each other, so it's only natural if something more should happen." Sanji said studying his cigarette very closely as he held it between his fingers.

"Yeah they have a word for that … being gay!" Smoker rolled his eyes, "Why the hell are we even talking about this. GAHHH!" he could already feel a headache coming on.

"Because I'm lonely." Sanji said out loud. Being this prank caller person it give him the chance to be someone else … someone maybe that didn't care. Maybe … maybe it was ok if people thought the Prank Caller was gay. It would in a way let him be, with out him having to be.

Smoker went hush, and was not really sure what to say, but he felt a small twinge of sympathy for this guy now.

"Well if it's really ok to be gay ... wanna have Den Den Mushi sex?" Sanji then suddenly asked out of the blue, quickly changing the whole mood, and covering up the loneliness he felt inside himself, to hide behind humor.

And there went the sympathy flying right out the window. "You dirty little pervert shit!" yelled out Smoker, a tic forming on the side of his head.

"Love you too Smoker baby!" Sanji laughed and hung up on the marine. He felt a bit better now. He got up and went over to the stove, and finished the last minute things, then dressed the table with the dinner feast he had made, making sure to keep the good stuff out of sight, and safely hidden so he could present them personally to the ladies when they came in.

Once everything was set, he then opened the door, and called out "Diiiiner!" and step back as Luffy rocketed into the room.

…

* * *

**A/N's:** Hope you all enjoyed!

_And don't forget to tell me in your review who,_

_out of Sanji's victims, you want to find Sanji!_

_Sanji's life is in your hands!_

_See you all next week!_

**^.^**


	22. Baby Daddy

**Title:** Baby Daddy

**Victim/s:** Special guest star Ringo-chwan, Law, Luffy, Fanfic fans everywhere!

**A/N's:** So this one will be done a little bit different as this will be the prize skit of Sanji prank calling the winner to my forum's contest I had going on. Yes, yes, I know it's not what I promised you and it is yet again another filler … well to bad, if you can suffer through the anime OP fillers you can suffer through mine! xD

Hope you all enjoy, and after you get done reading and reviewing (cause you know Lolly is a review whore) this story, you should head on over to **vivaciousRingo's **story:

**Prefect Warrior**

Modified, upgraded, ideal, deadly. A weapon. But still…a human. Number 056. A test subject, soldier and…a slave that one day stood up and said: 'Enough' Now wanted, hunted, and very much preferred dead than alive to the US government.

Sci-Fi/Drama - Zoro & Sanji

It will make you laugh, it will make you gasp, it will make you cry, and beg for more!

Don't miss out on **vivaciousRingo's** talented storytelling. After one of her stories you will never be the same again!

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

_This is dedicated to_

___**vivaciousRingo**___

_The 1st place winner of the Independence EVENT contest _

_On my forum _

_The Yaoi Supernova Authors Guild _

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

* * *

…

Backstage of "Sanji's Prank Calls" Lolly sat with the star of the show himself, Sanji, in his dressing room, as the blonde was seated at his vanity mirror, in his bathrobe.

"Eh I don't know about this Lolly-chwan. Are you sure Ringo-chwan wont mind?" he asked going on with their conversation they were in at the moment.

Lolly waved a hand at him as her other picked up a tub of some odd make-up powder sitting on the vanity table. "Oh of course not." she promised, not really listening to him at this point. She then raised the powder to her nose, and sniffed at it which led to her coughing from inhaling some of it. Not liking that stuff, whatever it was, she sat it back down, and wondered yet again why Sanji-kun had so much make-up in the first place.

Seeming to not be fully sure if he should trust Lolly he eyed her a bit speciously. "Really?" he asked, trying to get the truth from her, yet would never be so rude to a lady, as to be more pushy then this about it.

Frowning she looked back to Sanji seeing she was starting to lose him on his willingness to do this. "Huh yeah … suuuure … IN FACT! Ringo-chwan, after she finds out it was you! She will think its super sexy Sanji-kun." she lied just a tiny bit, and gave him a sexy wink to sweeten the deal, and help sway him over the rest of the way.

"MELLORINE!" cried out the cook, and jumped from his seat to noodle dances his way over to the Den Den Mushi.

Lolly smiled awkwardly, as a sweat drop ran down the side of her face. Sometimes Sanji-kun was just so easy it was almost a crime.

Sanji quickly dialed up Ringo-chwan's number and waited.

…

Ringo at her home heard the call and at once thought, _Not again_, but yet again anyways ran upstairs to answer it.

"Hello is Miss Ringo available?" said the voice of Trafalgar Law.

Out of breath she asked, in a disinterested tone full of suspicion "And who's asking?"

"Well you may call me Dr. Trafalgar. I shale assume you have the intellect to know how important I'm, and that you are Miss. Ringo due to your overly suspicious nature. Now on to the matter of this call, as I'm a busy person, and you have more scratch n' sniff stickers to get high from, as you read overly bad plotted yaoi stories. … Please know I would not be calling if it was not for Luffy, I assure you!"

Ringo was not sure to be happy or to be irritated it was not Sanji-kun this time calling her, as she had been waiting so impatiently for the call, and now its Law... her right eye gave off a spastic twitch involuntarily ... not that she minded it was Law, but something like disappointment sprouted inside of her heart.

"Yes, I know who you are. I'm sorry, but I'm waiting for important call, and shitty people keep calling and driving me crazy with their questions." she finally then answered with a huff, and went on to then add in some confusion "Hm? Luffy? And what the hell does Luffy have in connection to overly bad plotted yaoi stories'?" blinking she quickly then cleared up, "Hn ...wait, not like I don't know such things exist, but ... Did you say I get a high from them?" her suspicion causes her right eye to twitch yet again this time violently so.

There was a pause on the line, and a bit of rustling, and then Law's voice came in clear once again. "All of that does not matter right now. Look the thing of it is I'm pregnant and it's Luffy's baby, and he wants you to be the godmother of our child. He would have called himself, but he is busy right now fighting Kidd … I think they have been going at it now for four days. So what is your answer?"

Ringo had been taking a gulp from her drink she had on hand, and had almost choked on it due to what she was told. "W-wha-what.." her coughing cut her out for a moment, but she battled through it to finish asking, "... did you say?"

_Shiiit, refusing to be a godmother is not in good taste as it is even thought of as an insult to the child_, Ringo could not help think, then what Law said clicked more into her head, and a new question dawned on her, as she took pause to hold off on all thoughts but this one, _... wait ... Law ... and ..._ her thought process paused there due to almost breaking her mind, yet questioned it out loud all the same, "Since when is male pregnancy possible?" Not like she truly had doubts, knowing this One Piece CRACK world, but ... still could not help but ask.

"You are wasting my time here. Do you have any idea how big my feet are swelling up? As a doctor I feel it best to get off them soon, so you need to hurry up and answer the question." he said getting snippy, then added on with a sniffle, "You just don't understand how hard things have been. Luffy won't touch me anymore, and Kidd keeps sending death threats to Luffy on the back of Killer's art drawings of him and Zoro holding hands, and well … many other colorful drawings that I just don't have it in me to comment about right now." he said sounding as if he was bawling now. "And now I have to put up with you and your rude and hurtful questions to my delicate being … I just, I just can't take this!" he cried out, his voice cracking as a sob ripped from him.

Ringo stood there wide eyed, and for a minute was not able to reply, but as Law started to cry she tried, "Oh ... um ... n-no I- ... I didn't mean that I swear! Law… J-just listen to me..!" Yet as the crying/bawling got louder not allowing her to defend herself, she started to get ticked off by how ... fake it sounded after few minutes of listening to the shit, so she changed her approach.

"Law sweetie. You can't get excited so much because all your emotional states are transferred to the baby inside of you, and you must know as a doctor you how dangerous it can be when the mo-… erm ... father …" she was a bit confused as what to call him as a dumbfounded look took hold of her face, yet quickly it was replaced as an evil glint shinned in Ringo's eyes, and she continued with, "You know especially for intersex people (ermaphrodite), it can be seriously dangerous! I wouldn't want something to happen to you or your baby, and I'm sure you wouldn't too, right?"

The sniffs got quieter and there was a somewhat muffled "Um-hum." heard.

"Now, now tell me more about the fight between them. ... erm ...why the hell did they start to fight in the first place and ... are you sure Luffy's the father in this case?" she asked in a stern voice, though quite soothing, because she has a soon to be mother on the line, and doesn't want to aggravate her more, yet in her mind she could not help but question, _How the fuck did this happened?_

A loud sniffling snot sound was heard on the other side of the line before a gasp of air, and the heated words of, "Of course I'm not sure you twit! With how much I sleep around do you really think I would know for sure! Look I just needed someone as my baby daddy and Luffy worked cause he was willing to take responsibility, and if you tell him I said that, I will just deny it, and he will hate you for trying to break us up! And how the hell should I know what Kidd's problem is, maybe is he trying to get back at me for getting him thrown in jail last month, or maybe he is pissed he is just not tapping this ass no more. I don't know, and I don't care! Look I need to get down to the corner market and buy myself a forty ounce … you gunna be the little bastard's godmother or not?"

Ringo was quite in a shock after hearing this but ... she persevered, for the sake of the new life that would be coming into this world and having to have parents such as Law and Luffy! A small dramatic silence was played out from her side of the line as she slipped into deeper thought, her right eye twitching now as her thoughts turned to Law, _that damn slut!_ Yet what really worried her was, _SANI-KUN's future, because if Law were to be meet him... _

"I don't think I have enough of what it takes to take care of a little brat while the (mothers) would sail the seas." she sighed out … but … for Sanji she would do it! "Ok, yosh I can be the godmother! Should I go over to you right now? … Need help ...?" she trailed off worrying about the young (mother) …even if he was a slut … and the brutes that were around Law, upsetting him … aaaand more importantly the baby!

There was a long pause then a cynical reply came of, "No need for that, I will just ship the little sucker via airmail when it gets here … Screw that damn you! Just go to my ship and get me my teddy bear! I need my Bepo … my sweet, sweet Bep-bep." He once again busted into sobs only then to yells out, "Dammit where is that vodka I just had … Miss Ringo you better hurry your self! And GOOD DAY!" the call then ended with a slam of it being hung up.

Ringo stared there speechless and dumbstruck and couldn't help but feel _... I was tricked … into a babysitting little monster for a life..!_ Her eyes went wide then ..._wait a  
minute? vodka?, Bep-bep? _"What the fuck!"

She put down the Den Den Mushi, then cracking her knuckles, and then went to pack. She was going to pay a visit to the irresponsible … (mother) and rearrange all of Law's life to make him the prefect mother-figure and perfect house-wife ... or die trying!

…

One week later …

Law's right eye twitched as he stared at the woman who had taken over his ship, due to her blackmailing him with outing him of his secret name for Bepo. He was going to kill whoever told this crazy witch ... and how the hell would he even be pregnant in the first place! She was off her rocker!

Law trying to just ignore it all sat down, and started to open his mail, starting with a brown package he had got. Yet would he found inside made the normal calm and collective doctor scream out in frustration.

There in the package lay a baby doll with a little strawhat on its head, and a black drawn on goatee, on its chin. Pinned on the front of the doll was a simple note which read,

Got Ya!

~ Sanji & Lolly

...

* * *

**A/N's:** Ok really this Sunday you will have what you all have been waiting for, as the votes are in annnd this Sunday Sanji WILL be caught by … heh you will just have to come back next week to find out.

_Take care, and again thank you all very much for your lovely reviews. _

_It gives me great pleasure knowing I can make you laugh._

_**^.^**_


	23. Hunger Pains

**Title:** Hunger Pains

**Victim/s:** Zoro & Sanji (kinda Iva)

**A/N's:** Ok here it is, so sorry I made you all wait so long I hope the wait was worth it. ^.^

* * *

…

Sanji sat at the kitchen table with a pen in his mouth, as he was leaned far back in his chair, his arms crossed over his narrow chest, and his head tilted back and looking up at the ceiling. The pen was held tightly between his white teeth as he used his tongue to repeatedly push down on the pen top inside his mouth, making it click many times over.

He was sups to be writing out a list of supplies right now, but he just could not focus on it. Yes it was a important task, and he should have been thrilled thinking about all the new ingredients he was going to get soon, as they were due to dock at the next island any moment now … but even the thought of food and getting to cook new things was just … it still left an emptiness in him that just could not be filled.

He felt like was starving, and nothing he did could help his hunger pains.

The cook reached up and took the pen out of his mouth, and leaned forward with a rock of his chair. His blonde head hung down, as he stared at the list he had made so far. What was it he was lacking, what was it that was so different about everyone else that made them so happy, and him so outcasted?

Sanji reached into his coat jacket pocket and pulled out his pack of cigarettes, and took one out placing it between his lips, as he still looked to that list he had wrote so far. Putting his cigarette pack back in the pocket it had come from, he then produced his sliver lighter and lit up his smoke. He took a deep inhaling breath of the nicotine, letting it help calm his up roaring feelings. Slowly he then breathed out the smoke, and it pooled over head in a cloud. He wondered if maybe a little prank call before reaching the island would help cheer him up.

Giving it a try Sanji pulled over the Den Den Mushi and dialed up a random number.

…

Meanwhile in New Kama Land …

Emporio Ivankov sat at the bar partaking in a drink having just finished a grand number on stage, when the Den Den Mushi on the bar top started to go off. Not being too good to answer it himself, he reached over and picked it up. "Yes darling?"

There was silence on the other end of the line …

"Is there something I can do for you?" Iva questioned tilting his head, as the crowd around him now grew hush.

"Is you're …" and silence again came from the other side of the line.

"That's almost a whole sentence … come on you're almost there now. Kama." coached Iva.

A soft sad sigh came, and then in reply a tired voice questioned, "Is you're refidgorator running?"

Iva blinked at the question, then realization hit. "Oh my is this prank call?"

The line clicked ending the call.

Iva put a hand to his chest, "I'm so hurt. The Prank Caller Scoundrel didn't try a better prank on me!" and slumped in his seat, his head held down.

The crowd all gasped out in worry for their Queen, "Oh no Iva! Are you ok?"

Iva's head popped up with a big smile plastered across his face, "I'm fiiiiine! I Don't care at all!" and he laughed out.

The crowd at once were happy to see their Queen was alright, and cried out together, "Oh so you're fine after all!" and of course now seeing there was no damage done, and that their queen was only joking they all laughed out together, "Oh, fooled me!"

Iva at once jumped up on the bar top and cried out, "Hee Haw" and thus the party in the room once again was in full swing.

…

Back on the Thousand Sunny …

Zoro stood in the doorway with a brow raised as he stared at the cook, having been there for the whole prank call. After a moment or two more he came in shutting the door behind him, and a grin came to his face, "Running out of material shit-cook? That was just pathetic."

Calmly Sanji looked up to the green haired man and he blew out a final puff from his cigarette before snuffing it out in the cup near by he was using as a ashtray, and said nothing just went to finish working on the list.

This was the first time Zoro had talked to him with out needing to in sometime, however Sanji right now didn't feel very much like in a talking mood.

Slowly the grin faded away from the swordsmen's face as he studied the blonde a bit more while he got no reply. Something was wrong. _Maybe the cook was still upset about getting his clothing getting ripped off … but it had only been a dress, the idiot could not be that upset about it_, Zoro thought or more like hoped.

Shrugging Zoro then told the reason why he was really in here, "We are docking now and Nami wants you to come out, and help out."

No sooner had Zoro said the witch's name Sanji was up and off out the door with his list calling out proclaims of love to the redhead.

"Haii Nami-swan your prince is here!" sang out the cook making Zoro frown, and cross his arms, as he now stood alone in the kitchen still being able to hear the damn ero-cook.

Zoro then noticed the blonde's sliver lighter on the table, having been left behind. He picked it up and turned about in his hand. "Baka going off and leaving this behind …" muttered the swordsman, and stuffed the lighter down the front of his haramaki, planning to give it back to the cook later once he was frantic for it.

The swordsman then headed out to the deck to give a hand as well with docking …

…

Later that day on the island Thousand Sunny docked at …

Zoro and Sanji walked down one of the busy street markets on the island. The pair having hardly said a word to each other, other then what was needed. Sanji getting Zoro's attention, to keep the swordsman from wondering off, and getting lost, while Zoro tossed out an insult whenever the cook would stop to flirt with a girl, as it would get the blonde sidetracked, and back to the task on hand.

Zoro stared now at the back of the blonde's head, as he followed Sanji, and pulled along the cart that Chopper would normally pull, however the little doctor had gone off with Robin today to a book store, thus Zoro was stuck doing such, and shopping with the cook for supplies. As much as he complied though, Zoro did not find the task all bad. He never had any clue what Sanji was babbling on about with spices and other such things, but it was nice cause Sanji would always smile, a real true smile while picking though food … of course not that Zoro was singling out the baka-cook or anything, he would take pleasure in seeing any of his nakama happy, and smiling that way Sanji did. He was just trying to look on the bright side of things that was all …

Sanji turned around, and smiled at Zoro. He was now feeling a lot better. It was a lovely day, there was this new island that had many new foods he had never heard of before that he would get to experiment with later on, and the lovely ladies here were in abundant, plus the shitty swordsman had not been that shitty this shopping trip.

"There is a wine shop up ahead that is sups to have a wide variety of liquor. Is there something in particular you would like little Marimo?" Sanji questioned, feeling rather generous.

Zoro stopped in his tracks, and blinked wide eyed at the question … well not so much the question itself, but rather that funny little feeling inside him it gave him, that would pop up from time to time when the cook would turn that smile his way, and other little things the cook would do too.

As Zoro stopped, and didn't say anything Sanji took pause as well, and tilted his head, his smile not leasing any. "What's the matter Marimo, cat got your tongue?" he teased in good humor.

Feeling a blush start to heat his tanned cheeks the swordsman looked away, and rubbed the back of his neck. "No I'm just thinking about the choices." he grumbled out, forcing a frown, and annoyance to mask his face.

"So then what would you like?" Sanji asked taking a step towards the swordsman.

As Zoro's mind started to run through the many things he would like, he was suddenly kicked in the face with so much force he was knocked down.

"OI! What the hell shit cook!" Zoro yelled, a tick forming on the side of his head as he went to get up, but had to pause on that, and roll to the side to avoid a powerful heel sailing down, headed towards his face. Zoro got out of its way just in time, and it broke into the paved street, leaving a huge hole in the ground that had cracks webbing out from it.

Zoro blinked, and looked at the hole then to the cook's surprised face.

"I don't know why I did that! I could not control myself!" Sanji said out loud, as his body once again started to move against his will, and he lashed out a series of kicks at the swordsman.

"What the hell is that sups to mean!" asked Zoro in annoyance, as he drew out two of his three swords, and blocked all the incoming attacks at him.

"What the hell do you think it means you shitty swordsman! I can't stop myself!" yelled the blonde getting pissed, as he then did a handstand, and wailed down the flats of his shoes to Zoro's swords making the green haired man skid back some due to the heavy powerful pressure.

Zoro frowned as he was backed up. He was not sure what Sanji's game was, but he didn't find it funny, plus the blonde seemed to be going all out, and not holding back any of his kicks.

"If you don't knock it off shit cook I'm going to have to put you down!" Zoro warned, as the street started to clear out, and people running in fear of getting caught in the crossfire of the two pirates. While Sanji seemed to not care about what he broke, as he went on with his fast speeding kicks.

"I'm telling you I'm not doing it!" Sanji yelled out again, as he struggled with himself to no avail.

"I can see you doing it! What are you-…" Zoro's words died there as Sanji suddenly landed a blow on him that knocked him almost senseless, not just for the fact that it was a strong hit, and hurt like hell but … it was how… the cook had not kicked him, Sanji had used one of his hands, and punched him right in the face.

Zoro spit out a mouthful of blood onto the street knowing now this was serious, and maybe what the cook was saying really was true, but if that was the case then what, or who was controlling the blonde? Zoro looked back up at the cook only to see stars as Sanji once again punched him, this time in the side of his head. He didn't let the third hit get him however. It had taken the swordsman a moment or two to adjust to this different fighting style Sanji's body was doing, but he was now quickly blocking the attacks coming in from Sanji's fists.

"ARGH! Dammit Zoro if you damage my hands I'm going to kick your ass!" Sanji cried out in frustration, as he still battled within himself.

A small smirk came to the swordsman's lips, the bottom one still trailing a line of blood down his chin. "As if you could. You're no match for me even if you are using your precious hands, so don't worry … I wont need to do anything to them." he mocked.

The blonde's temper rose and a new series of kicks combed with fists flew at Zoro.

…

Meanwhile back on Thousand Sunny …

The kitchen door creaked open a crack, and a dark brown eye looked side to side into the room. Seeing no one the figure ducked down and slipped into the room, and shut the door softly behind them, and crawled quickly across the floor over to the island counter.

Luffy poked his head up then over top of the counter, and again looked around the room, but still saw no one, and breathed out a sigh of relief. It seemed Sanji was still out shopping with Zoro which meant!

The Captain's eyed lighted up and he looked around the room with the prospect of there being food hidden everywhere! Luffy knew the refidgorator would be a loss cause. Stupid locks, but … his eyes landed to the cookie jar on the counter top … maybe there would be meat cookies inside! If not that was ok, Sanji's other cookies were just as good.

Sitting himself on a stool at the island counter, Luffy then stretched out an arm and pulled the cookie jar to him, and opened it up sticking a hand inside. The boy like captain blinked for a moment with a very blank expression on his face, and then cried out in pain jerking his hand from the cookie jar. Letting the cookie jar sit on the counter top Luffy then pulled the mouse trap from his now swollen up red fingers, and then took care to blow on them. That had not been a cookie! Luffy then looked at the mouse trap, and noticed a note on it …

_Luffy get out of my kitchen now!_

_~ Sanji _

Awe no fair! How did he always know? Luffy wondered, and that was when the Den Den Mushi went off.

Luffy got up and answered it, "Mushi Mushi."

"Luffy?" questioned a familiar voice.

"Yes?"

"This is Ace…"

"Ohhh hey Ace, how are you doing?" Luffy smiled brightly having not heard from his brother in some time now.

"I'm ok, but look you need to tell me where you are right now, its very important."

"Eh why? Ah! Do you want to come, and join my crew now?"

"Like I would do that! Dammit we have no time for this. You have to tell me where you are, someone on your crew is in very big trouble, and a lot of people are looking for him, as they think he is the Prank Caller Scoundrel." Ace tried to stress how serious this was.

Luffy once again took a seat on the stool by the island counter. "Ohhh you mean Sanji?"

There was silence from Ace's side, and then finally he questioned, "Luffy … what makes you think it's Sanji?"

"Because I was hiding under the sink trying to sneak out of the kitchen with some food I found, with out bugging Sanji, and I overheard it when he made the first prank call."

Ace was dumbfounded. His little brother knew the whole time? "B-but …you never said anything … with the pranks he pulled on you even and …"

"Shishishishi … weeelll they were funny, and they didn't hurt anyone. Besides Sanji has been really sad, and they seemed to make him happy." replied Luffy with a big grin on his face.

Ace didn't know what to say at first, but then just had to ask, "Well why didn't you tell him you knew at lest … or did you?"

"Nahh Sanji seems to want to keep it a secret even though I hinted how great I think he is … and how he should not pull anymore pranks on his captain. It's not a big deal though if it makes Sanji happy."

"Well actually Luffy it is a big deal." Ace started, and then went on to explain what was going on.

..

Back on the Island …

Zoro panted taking pause to tie his black bandana on his head. This was getting bad. The cook was not using any of his normal moves at all, which kinda made it odd cause this was Sanji he was fighting, who he fought with daily. One just got use to certain things. Zoro was holding his own of course, but it was slightly throwing him off.

The cook gasped out as his hands smashed into a vender cart near by, and pulled out two metal pipe poles from it. His hands were now bleeding from the knuckles, and dripping bright red blood between his long curled fingers, and down the metal poles.

"Dammit Zoro knock me out already!" Sanji begged. Oh his hands, his precious hands!

Blocking the on coming strikes at him from the poles Sanji was using, Zoro frowned taking notice of the blood on the cook's hands. He said nothing however for he didn't want to admit he HAD in fact been trying this last half hour to do just what the cook was asking of him. They had fought many of times, but never like this, but no matter he would beat Sanji!

Yet Zoro was not going to get the chance to find out if he really could or not.

The poles dropped from Sanji's hands, and the blonde stumbled forward to Zoro, and blinked, rising up his hands looking up them. "I can …I can move again." Sanji said surprised. Then it felt like ropes or something jerked him back, pulling him up into the air. "Gahhh!" he cried, and reached out to Zoro.

Zoro watched as Sanji was flung back, and taken up into the air by nothing, like if he was being spirted away or some crazy thing like that. Shifting his swords to one hand, he ran then, jumped up, reaching out for the cook's hand.

Sanji reached out further with his hand for Zoro's but then widen his one visible eye at what he saw behind Zoro. "Look out!" he cried.

Zoro's finger tips brushed Sanji's and a drop of the cook's blood splattered down onto his tanned hand, as pain rocketed into the back of his head, and he started to fall back, his hand now getting further from the cook's. The swordsman could hear the cook cry out his name, but it sounded off like if underwater and slowly his vision darkened till he was out cold long before he hit the ground.

Sanji's back thumped into a solid body behind him causing him to come to a stop, and now be standing on a roof top. An arm then curled itself around his narrow waist, and he looked down to see many pink feathers.

Doflamingo leaned his head to the side of Sanji's face, and ran his tongue up along the side of the other blonde's cheek, and snickered out, "Hello Mr. Prince … my Crocie has been telling me some very interesting things about you."

Sanji's visible one eye widen, and he knew he should be worried for himself, but seeing Zoro being picked up now by the one who knocked him out, Sanji could not help but worry more over what would happen to the Marimo?

To be contoured …

* * *

**A/N's:** GASP! Lolly did a cliffhanger! What will happen to Sanji? Who was the one that knocked out Zoro? Will Luffy come to the rescue? And so many more questions right? Tee hee I hope gives you all something to look forward to next time!

_Reviews = Love_

_Remember to love your Lolly!_

_**^.~**_


	24. Sugar Boy

**Title:** Sugar Boy

**Victim/s:** Sanji, Zoro & Chopper

**A/N's: **Ha-ah! Hey there everyone! I know it's been like forever and a day since I updated this or any of my stories buuut my net was out and I had nothing to do sooo I figured I would dabble in a bit more of this story. I hope you all enjoy this next part to it. ^.^

…

Sandal feet pounded onto the pavement, as Luffy rushed through the city with Usopp behind him. After Luffy had got off the Den Den Mushi with Ace, who had told him what was going on about a lot of Sanji's victims coming together to catch him, Luffy had run into the others who were returning to the ship after a day of shopping, minus Zoro and Sanji. It took a few minutes for anyone to understand Luffy and they all were still pretty confused, but they got the gist of it. Sanji was in trouble and needed to be found quickly! They had split up then to look for him.

Suddenly Luffy came to a haut in the middle of a street at the sight before him, Usopp then crashed into him making both of the teens fall to the ground. Luffy was quick to jump back up however and was highly upset at what he was seeing.

Mihawk was down on his knees by Zoro. The man had just rolled the green haired swordsman up in a carpet and was tying the ends, but it was not long enough and showed Zoro's tan face clearly.

Luffy pointed an accusing finger at the older man, "Hey! That's my Zoro!"

Mihawk looked up with a blank look on his face, clearly caught in the middle of kidnapping the teen. Yet the man calmly stood up lifting one end of the rolled up Zoro and replied, "No it's not."

"Oh, heh your carpet looks just like my first mate," Luffy said, and laughed, the anger suddenly gone from him as he bought into the lie just like that. "Here let me help you with that," Luffy then offered and went over taking the other side of Zoro, by the feet, and helped Mihawk lift the unconscious teen up.

Usopp was now on his feet and raised a hand, "Oi! That's obviously a lie, Luffy!" he angrily snapped, upset with his dimwitted Captain for being so gullible.

"Whaa?" Luffy questioned and cocked his head to look at Mihawk. "You lied? That really is Zoro?"

Mihawk blinked, and simply replied calmly. "No its not."

"Oh ok then where did you need to take this?" Luffy asked, once again falling for the lie.

"Baka!" Usopp cried out and smacked Luffy on the head as he jumped over closer. "Can't you tell he is lying again!"

The hit made Luffy drop his end of Zoro, but he bounced back up like a rubber ball and looked to Usopp, "Eh? Really?"

"Of course!" exclaimed Usopp.

"Sugoi! Mihawk is an even better liar then you Usopp!" Luffy said with stars twinkling in his eyes as he turned back to Mihawk.

Usopp was speechless, he was insulted on so many levels, but then something else kicked in, "Mihawk?" questioned the long nose teen, and slowly robotically his head turned in like clicking cranks of a wheel, to look at the man. At once Usopp recognized who it was now and he jumped back behind Luffy. He held to his friends' shoulders as his own knees started to knock together. "B-but that's the guy that took Zoro out in one hit! What's he doing here?"

"I'll tell you what he is not doing! He is not taking my Zoro away!" growled out Luffy.

"Hm?" questioned Zoro rising up to his feet and yawned out loudly as he came to.

Mihawk gritted his teeth tightly, with Zoro now coming to and his friends seeing them together like this his plans would be ruined! Best to abort, and try again another time. Mihawk then pushed the half awake rolled up Zoro into Luffy and Usopp making them fall to the ground and he took off the other way in a dash.

The teens groaned as they tried to untangle themselves.

"What was that all about anyways?" Usopp questioned, yet was ignored.

"SANJI! Quick where is he?" Zoro asked wiggling as he jumped to his feet trying to stress the importance of this, yet was still all tied up.

"You mean he is not in there with you?" Luffy asked.

Zoro's face tinted red, "Why the hell would he be rolled up in here with me!"

"Oh I don't know maybe he is wearing that little maids outfit again and you could not help yourself," teased Usopp as he clasped his hands together and made kissy faces at the green haired teen.

"Why you …" Zoro grumbled turning red now not just from embarrassment but anger too. "You just wait till I get out this!" Zoro promised and started to hop after Usopp.

Usopp laughed and reached out a finger and tipped Zoro over making the young man fall backwards with a thud. Usopp snickered as Zoro went on to wiggle in anger now on the ground unable to get up.

…

Meanwhile elsewhere on the Grand Line …

Sanji sat in an unfamiliar kitchen pouting as he looked to his captor.

"Come on do it … you know you want to." Doflamingo tempted and pushed his Den Den Mushi towards Sanji.

Sanji turned his head to the side looking away seeming ever so annoyed now. Already two hours at sea with this lunatic and he was ready to turn himself into the Marines.

"I've told you already, you got the wrong person," Sanji replied composed as ever.

"And we both know you're lying. My Crocie don't make mistakes like this." This was getting to be no fun at all. He knew he had the right guy and had wanted to see first hand the havoc Sanji could cause, as it seemed fairly interesting but if the song bird was not going to perform it would be such a hassle to take him back like promised. A leer came to his tan face; maybe he could torture him for awhile. That would bring about some entertainment and if it didn't he could always just kill him and dump the corpse overboard and tell the other the cook got away.

Doflamingo then took notice of Sanji's visible blue eye looking to the Den Den Mushi and a thin line of sweat starting to break out on Sanji's pale face. He seemed to be cracking after all. Grinning Doflamingo held up Sanji's pack of smokes. "Do it and I'll give you these back."

"Oi! When did you… Give those back!" Sanji demanded, and jumped forward to reach for the pack.

Doflamingo's other hand came up and suddenly Sanji found himself hugging the large pink feather coat wearing freak.

"Gaw! Knock it off! Stop it!" Sanji cried out in alarm but to his horror Doflamingo only nuzzled into his embrace and Sanji could not pull away.

"Are you going to make a prank call just for me?"

"Fine! Anything just let me go you bastard!"

Doflamingo's grin got bigger, "In a minute or two …" and relaxed into Sanji's hug he made the cook give him.

…

One hour later on Thousand Sunny …

Chopper sat in the kitchen waiting for the others to get back, and was starting to become very worried since no one had come back yet from their search for Sanji. He had been left behind in case Ace called back. Chopper was still not sure what was going on, but Sanji was in danger so he would do his best, and keep guard of the ship for everyone.

Just then the Den Den Mushi went off, and startled the young reindeer making him jump in his sit and his eyes widen in alarm.

Chopper raised his hooves and pulled his hat down a bit further on his head and stared at the Den Den Mushi for a moment. Shaking it off Chopper quickly got his wits back about him and rushed over to answer it.

"Hello?" he asked firmly in his best brave voice, as he did not want to seem like a weakling in front of Luffy's brother.

"Congratulations!" shouted an over excited voice on the other line.

The outburst made the little doctor jump again and duck down.

"You are this year's Sugar Boy!"

Chopper peeked up at the snail, "Huh?"

"This is Long Ding Dong from Sugar Boy Co. You know the makers of the world's best cotton candy."

"Cotton candy?" Chopper was suddenly leaning into the snail ever so excited.

"That's right and you have just won a whole year's supplies worth!"

Chopper was all star eyes and drool coming from his mouth, "Oh boy!"

"You just need to answer a few questions and say a few things I will be recording for future commercials this year. Is that alright?"

"Sure! If it gets me cotton candy for a whole year I don't mind at all!"

"Great! Then let's get started shall we?"

"I'm ready!"

"Great, ok and I'm now recording. What is your favorite candy?"

"Cotton Candy!"

"That was good … but think you can say Cotton Candy from Sugar Boy?"

"Oh huh sure … just go ahead and say it now?"

"Yup."

"Ok … huh … I'm Chopper and my favorite candy is Cotton Candy from Sugar Boy! Erm how was that?"

"Perfect. Now say I'm this year's Sugar Boy."

"I'm this year's Sugar Boy."

"And do you love your Long Ding Dong for making you a winner?"

"Oh of course! Long Ding Dong you're the best!"

"Your best friend?"

"Sure!"

"And you would eat any cotton candy your Long Ding Dong got you?"

"Of course! I love your candy the best!" Chopper cried out getting really into it now.

"Well I just whipped up some right now. Are you ready to eat the goodies your Long Ding Dong has pumped out for you?"

"Oh I'm …ack!" he cried as the Den Den Mushi was grabbed from him. He looked up in surprise as Nami frowned at Den Den Mushi in her hand.

"You sick pervert! What do you think your doing talking to him like that! You should be ashamed of yourself!" Nami yelled and then slammed down the Den Den Mushi ending the call.

Chopper pouted up at Nami with big tears in his eyes, "You mean it was all a joke? I didn't really win a year's worth of cotton candy?"

Nami's face softened and she bent down him, and patted him on the side of his furry face. "Sorry but no, you need to be more careful and not let people take advantage of you."

Chopper nodded and sniffled as he rubbed at his eyes pulling down his arm to show a more determined look. "Right, next time I'll be on my guard you can count on me!"

Nami stood back up and smiled, "Good… we all need to be on guard with that crazy perverted prank caller on the loose."

"Oh hey! Did you have any luck finding Sanji?" Chopper asked.

Nami's frown returned, "No. I wish we had some clue to where he was right now."

"Awe don't worry Nami, maybe the others are having better luck." Chopper said, trying to keep the hope alive.

To be contoured …

* * *

**A/N's: **And there we go! I hope the wait was worth it. I also hope my skill (what little I have) has not gotten any worse Lol. ^.^;

It's been some time since I wrote like this, I hope you all are still enjoying my work and if you are, review and tell me how much you love me! Ha-ah if you do maybe I won't wait so long this time before updating this story. Who knows though I'm pretty lazy now days. ^.~


	25. Saying Goodbye

**Title:** Saying Goodbye

**Victim/s:** Enel

**Beta read by:** Feral Inari

**A/N's:** Okies since some people were getting really crab assed about me not having a beta reader, I now have one so you can stop you bitching now, and if you still don't like it tough shit! ^.^ Have a nice day!~

And enough of stupid people, back to you important people, the true fans of this story! I wuv you all, and hope I can make this story even better for you. This plot however has almost run its course. *GASP!* Does this mean this is the last chapter?

Back to my long ago request list I have picked out another to do!

_Wanting to see Enel pranked_

_Requested By:__EBIL DUSTBUNNY OF DOOOOM_

_Enjoy!_

* * *

…

It had been a long ride at sea with Doflamingo for Sanji, and an experience he would never ever talk about in a million years, but it had come to an end thankfully. Unfortunately that meant he was now in the hands of many more people that was upset with him for his pranks. Not everyone had wanted his head however, Vivi-chan was upset but her and her father had tried to speak on his behalf. In the end it had came down to a vote on what to do with him. The result? He was to be hanged till dead in an hour.

For the moment he was spending his last hour on this earth as he pleased. Making himself one last meal in the kitchen they had allowed him in. Of course Sanji had already checked to see if there was a way out, but alas there was not so he was using his time wisely.

He cooked himself a fabulous meal and sat at the table to enjoy it with a glass of wine. No one bothered him but the door to the kitchen was guarded by one of the Four Warlords so no one was coming in or out for sure until it was time for his last walk. He most likely would have not even got the allowances he had if it had not been for his sweet Vivi-chan. He really owed her, and her father.

After finishing his meal he pushed back the plate and poured himself another glass of wine as a ruckus from outside the kitchen door started. Sanji looked up and wondered what was going on but made no effort to find out; he merely leaned back in his chair and sipped on his wine.

"All good things must come to end. If this is my time so be it," he said out loud to himself as he raised his glass in toast.

Sanji took another sip of the wine once he lowered his glass and noticed something in the corner of the room. It ... it was a Den Den Mushi! Sanji's blue eye turned to the clock on the wall. There was hardly anytime left, he would only have time for one call. This would surly be the last call he ever made! So who would he call?

His crew? "Ah to hear the love Nami-swan and Robin-chwan one more time!~" He shook his head no. By now his crew knew all about his deeds, and it was most likely all a big trouble for them. Maybe they were already looking for a new cook? Surly they would not come here, not with how many pirates and government officials were against him wanting his blood. His crew was strong but there was no way they would get through all of that, besides he was not worth the effort.

Sanji hung his head down. So who would he call? There was only one other person worth calling that had made such an impact in his life. If it was all to be over then that was the man he would pick to say to goodbye to as he left this world for the next.

With his head held high Sanji walked over to the Den Den Mushi and made his last call.

…

"Ehhh!" Patty cried out. "You call this shitty dish clean? There is still food stuck to it!" growled out the large man to the new busboy.

Enel's right eye twitched hard as a tic formed on the side of his head. The once self proclaimed god stood in the kitchen of the Baratie in a rubber apron and rubber gloves that was meant to help to keep his clothing dry from the mountains of dishes he was being made to do yet he still felt soggy. Stupid rubber.

It had been a long fall from grace Enel had to endure. After that run in with Luffy and his crew Enel had thought he had found the prefect place for himself to rule. Stupid little tinker toys though had attacked him in his sleep however and the next thing he knew he was crashing back down to earth, crashing right down into the owner's bedroom of this place. That one legged freak had kept smacking him around with huge hat until he had given in and agreed to work to pay for the cost of the damages. Really though… there should be a limit to how big a hat can be!

Enel took the plate and smashed it to the floor. "There's no food on it now."

Patty pointed a finger to him, "That's going on your bill!"

Enel gritted his white, perfect teeth as he seethed at the man.

"Zeff will be happy to know you will be staying with us for another month to cover the cost!" Patty mocked as he turned his back to go out to the dinning room to serve a dish he had just made.

"One mere dish is not even close to the worth of my time for a month you puny mortal!"

"Watch who you call puny or I'll wrap those shitty ear lobes of yours around your head and gag you with them!" Patty shot back as he exited the room.

Enel stamped his foot and glared, "As if someone like that could even think he could do something such as this, to one as great as me!" he fumed.

"Hey great one, why don't you show how powerful you are and answer the Den Den Mushi we commoners here have work to do!" barked Carne in a mocking tone.

Enel blinked just realized the thing was going off. "Oh yes …" he strolled over to the snail phone and answered it as it was better then doing anymore dishes.

"Yes?" demanded Enel.

"Hi may I speak with Zeff please?"

"He is away at the market or some such thing."

"Oh well who is this?"

"I'm the all and powerful Enel. You may call me God."

There was a long pause.

"Hello?" questioned Enel wondering if the person had hung up.

"What are you doing there?" Sanji asked voice full of worry.

"Not that it is any of your business but I'm working off a debt."

There was more silence but Enel would have sworn he heard muffled laughter. Before he could questioned it the man was back. "You do realize your Visa has expired?"

"My what?" Enel blinked in confusion.

"Your green-card, you know what lets you stay in this country. You're an illegal alien!"

"Now wait a moment here! I was only up there for a few months. I didn't even become a full citizen up there!"

"No but we have reports of you getting married to one while you were there."

"No fair! I was drunk! That was my first time with vodka! I thought it was water!" Enel then felt something at his back and he looked over his shoulder to see another one of the cooks had yet again used this metal ring in his back to hang some orders on.

"Dammit! I told you foul beings to stop using my back ring for your damn cooking orders!"

"Ah I'm sorry Enel I have to go but beware we will be doing a sweep of the establishment next week. Be warned if we find you we will deport you."

"Oh you bring it on! I'll f-…"

Sanji hung up the snail phone choosing to not listen to anymore as he smiled to himself. The Baratie always had been a place of surprises.

…

Meanwhile just outside the kitchen door to where Sanji was being held.

Ace lowered his flames as he glared at Shanks. "Why are you doing this? I thought you said you found it all funny!"

"I'm sorry Ace, I made a promise to Mihawk, besides there are just some things best to not be taken head on," replied Shanks as he lowered his sword.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean? Dammit don't you get it! They are going to kill him if I don't get him out now!" Ace tried to make the older man understand. "The marines don't even care if it was him or not! They just want to be able to get rid of another pirate!"

"I know it seems hopeless right now Ace, but everything happens for a reason," Shanks offered a kind smile.

Ace slumped forward, his shoulder length wild hair hanging in his face as his hands balled into fists. "Dammit ... it was not supposed to end like this, not for Sanji." he whispered as he felt the angry prickle of tears stinging at his eyes. Blinking back the tears Ace raised his face to look at Shanks and made one last attempt on Sanji's behalf. He knew there was no way he would be able to defeat the older man so he swallowed his pride.

Dropping to his knees with his hands to the ground bowing as he begged, "Please, Shanks let me get him out of here!"

Putting away his sword Shanks moved over to kneel down by Ace and rest his hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Now is not the right time Ace, if you saved him now it would only be a matter of time before he was right back where he is."

"But he would be alive unlike how he is going to be in a few minutes if we don't do something! We are almost out of time!"

Smiling the red head cocked his head to the side, "Almost … then again that only means it's not happened yet. Don't give up faith."

Ace pouted not understanding what Shanks was getting at. If he didn't get Sanji out now there was no way he would be able to get the blonde out in front of a crowd full of angry people.

Shanks' hand came away from Ace's shoulder and slipped under the young man's chin. "You know you're kinda cute when you pout, Ace," Shanks remarked with a winning smile.

The words at once had the freckled cheeks heating up and darkening.

Just then Boa and Mihawk came by and went into the kitchen to gather Sanji.

Shanks stood back up and Ace followed suit, still in a bit of a daze.

A moment or two later Sanji stepped out from the kitchen and patted himself down unable to find his silver lighter. Wiggling the cigarette in the mouth at Ace he smiled around it and questioned, "Got a light?"

Ace felt his heart clench but did his best to smile back at the blonde as he placed a finger to the tip of Sanji's cigarette to ignite it.

Sanji took a deep inhale of the stick and blew out the smoke. The cook was able to spare Ace one more glance before Mihawk pushed him forward to move on down the hall as he and Boa walked after him.

Ace's hand dropped down to his side, he felt as if his heart was breaking. To hell with it all if he could not save the cook he would go out fighting with him! Ace moved to take a step but felt a strong hand on his shoulder. He looked back to see Shanks shaking his head.

"Not yet …" Shanks smiled.

Sanji was lead outside where the mass of his victims was waiting along with other spectators. He was then marched up to the gallows and had his hands tied behind his back.

He felt a strong tug of guilt in his gut as he looked out at the crowd saw Vivi-chan crying. He wanted to comfort her but at the moment was only able to offer apologetic smile.

Garp then put a noose around Sanji's neck and tightened it as the young blonde took in another deep breath of nicotine as he went on looking out to the mix crowd below him, some cheering as others held neutral or displeased looks on their faces.

"For you crimes, against government officials, pirates and others, we find you guilty of being a royal pain in the ass and just a plain nuisance to human life, a cause of far too much trouble than your worth pirate," came Garp's gruff voice. "Do you have any last words?"

Sanji's visible blue eye gazed out over the crowd yet again and he blew out the smoke having been held in his lungs. "Hm.." he hummed softly, thoughtfully. "Saying goodbye is always such a hassle. No I'm good," he replied cool as ever. There was not much else he could do. Of course he had regrets, things he still wanted to do in life, but he was no coward, and was not going to have a coward's death.

The blonde stood proud and tall as Garp checked the noose one more time then signaled to Mihawk to pull the lever… and so Mihawk did.

Sanji's eyes widen as he felt the floor disappear under him and in that moment he had another regret. Saying goodbye was not so much a hassle, not if you had people worth saying goodbye to. The faces of those from the Baratie flashed in his mind's eye along with his nakama, and Ace too.

Feeling himself plummet down and the noose tightening around his neck his heart pounded hard in his chest ….he wanted to live!

_To be continued_ …

…

* * *

**A/N's:** Humm guess there is still more to come tee hee! BUT! Will someone be able to get to Sanji? Or is this it for our hero?

_Reviews = Love_

…

**Inari-chwan's Corner: ***Crawls out of her cupboard*** **Review People! Goddammit review! I need another Chapter; I need to know what's going on. The more you review the more hyper Lolly will get and therefore she will become more productive and write even more for me to Beta. The sooner that happens the sooner you find out if the Den Den Mushi Menace will survive!

Eep! Peoples…. *blushes and gets back in her cupboard*


	26. Sanji's 1st Prank Call

**Title**: Sanji's 1st Prank Call

**Victim/**s: Sanji, Smoker, Alvida

**Beta read by**: N/A

**A/N's**: Miss me? ^.^

* * *

_Feeling himself plummet down and the noose tightening around his neck his heart pounded hard in his chest ….he wanted to live!_

It's funny, Sanji had always thought his last moments on earth would be dreaming of all the ladies he had yet to kiss, the battles he had not yet fought, or even the meals he had yet to cook. Maybe even the epic moments he had, had with his nakama or at lest a quick flash of his whole life before his eyes like people said was to happen, but no what he got was one crystal clear memory.

~Flashback~

Ten years ago in East Blue on the Baratie …

A young Sanji used the back of his hand to wipe at the snot and blood from his nose. He was all frazzled over what had just happened and was doing his best to not cry anymore then he already had about it.

Sanji had done his very best to prepare a meal and had thought it fit for a king! Zeff had even allowed him to serve it to customer so it had to have been good! Yet the customer had eaten half of it then called him back to complain.

"This taste like shit! What are you trying to do! Poison me!" The customer had cried. "I refuse to pay for this trash!"

To which Sanji replied with pride wounded, "Well you sure must like the way shit taste ... you ate of enough of it you fat bastard!" He was then promptly hit in the face by the man which in turned knocked him on his ass.

Patty had then come over and hit him on the head for being rude to the customer and sent back to the kitchen as the rest of the customers all laughed as Patty gave him a swift kick to his rear to hurry him along. One day Sanji swore he would pay Patty back for all the abuse.

Still even plots for the future were not helping to dry his eyes. Everyone was laughing at him! He was the butt of all their jokes right now, their loud laugher well reminded him, not letting him forget.

Getting into the kitchen the other cooks busted into laugher, "You should stick to dishwashing, Sanji." one remarked. "The dish water might taste better then his soup." Teased another keeping them all laughing … all but one.

Zeff eyed Sanji and said not word as he looked away and limped past the blond boy. Sanji went ridged just sure Zeff was going to kick him for what had happened but he didn't. Zeff just went into the storage closet.

Sanji was then made to do dishes and after that task he had to peel bags of potatoes for the other cooks. Lunch then came but Sanji was not in the mood to eat he just went on peeling and was left alone in the kitchen.

Once again Sanji thought about his embracing incident and peeled all the more faster at the potato in hand. He would show them ... he would show them all! They would all be sorry they laughed at him!

Faster and harder he worked as the sound of laughter burned into his brain but then he paused when he noticed it was just the sound of one person laughing ... and not just anyone ... but Zeff ... and it was coming from the storage room. Was Zeff still in there after all this time! "What is that shitty geezer up to now?" Sanji grumbled with a frown and wandered over to the storage room and peeked inside.

"Loguetown Marine Base, Smoker here, how may I direct your call?" came a young man's voice from the Den Den Mushi.

"Yes I have an urgent message here for a Mr. Rotch, first name Mike. Is he available?" questioned Zeff.

The Den Den Mushi took on a confused look as Smoker was not use to handling the Den Den Mushi calls and did not recognize the name so he called out to the others around the large office, "Hey everyone! Have you seen Mike Rotch? Anyone? Have you seen Mike Rotch?"

The marines in the room all paused then busted into a fit of laughter.

Smoker frowned not getting what was so funny and as female officer came into the room he urged the woman for answers. "Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch?"

"Eh?" cried out the woman.

"Have you seen Mike Rotch?" Smoker huffed getting irritate yet a thankful look came to his face when the woman marched over to him that is till she slugged him hard in the face making him drop the Den Den Mushi.

"You nasty little pervert!" she cried out as she went to further beat on Smoker while the other marines laughed all the more only hearing _my crotch_ rather then Mike Rotch.

Zeff hung up the Den Den Mushi laughing but at hearing a small giggle by the door he turned a sneering smile to the little face peeking in at him.

Sanji cupped a hand over his mouth. He had not meant to laugh but it was just too funny! That guy had really got made a fool of. He was sure he was going to get scolded for spying but Zeff waved him in and held the Den Den Mushi to him. "Want to give it a try?" offered Zeff.

Sanji's small hands reached out for the Den Den Mushi looked at it. Zeff then held out a little black book.

"Pick a number here from this page." Zeff guided and Sanji looked over the numbers to the page shown to him. He settled for the one marked, Alvida. With hands still lightly damp from the potatoes Sanji dialed the number and waited.

"Hello?" came a gruff voice that kinda sorta sounded female but not really.

Sanji put a hand over the Den Den Mushi and whispered to Zeff, "What do I say?"

Zeff leaned in a cupped a hand to the boy's ear and whispered. Sanji's face took on a bright smile and nodded and once Zeff pulled back, Sanji, to the best he could without laughing too much said, "Hi! I'm looking for Maya. Last name, Normousbutt."

"Eh? One moment." Grumbled Alvida and called out into her crew, "Has anyone seen Maya Normousbutt?"

The crew all stared at her and she questioned the same thing again but all they were hearing was "_Has anyone seen my enormous butt_?" They tried their best to hold it in but ended up in side splitting laughter.

Sanji as well could not hold it in anymore and pelted in laughter.

Alvida glared at the Den Den Mushi and her crewmates and started to smash them all with her club.

Sanji hung up the Den Den Mushi still laughing.

"It's easy to laugh at others ne? But harder to laugh at one's self." Zeff then said, this making Sanji's laughter cut short as he looked to the old man.

"Did you try your soup?"

Sanji nodded.

"Was it good?"

Sanji nodded again.

"Hm … what do you think happened to that man when Patty found out he would not pay?"

The answer at once came to him as Patty did it with anyone that didn't pay. He beat them up and tossed them out with the trash and everyone would laugh.

Zeff saw the light in those blue eyes and smiled, "If you would have kicked Patty in the ass people would have laughed along with you. Humor is a two way street Sanji … never dish out what you can't take, else it's just a waste."

~End flashback~

Sanji felt the pressure around his throat tighten as he kept dropping, the noose clinging around his neck, the itchy rope digging into his smooth white pristine skin, as the old man's words echoed in his head. He knew Zeff had started him off with those easy prank calls only to later graduate him once he got older to more complex pranks, helping to train his mind for quick thinking and planning. It all had been worth it.

The jokes, the fun he had had, and even his failures, his biggest failure right now. How silly … to get killed over prank calls ... it was just …foolish!

A soft chuckle came from him then it got louder and louder into a full blown laugh, that is till he felt something suddenly come up under his feet and push him up so the noose was no longer so tight.

"Nani?" Sanji coughed out in a horse voice and looked down blinking in surprise at who was saving him …

_To be continued_ …

* * *

**AN's**: It's been a long time ne? Hehe and gasp it was a filler of all things! But hey at lest you know Sanji is being saved ... hopefully.


End file.
